


On Our Way Home

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Action/Adventure, Babyfic, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 23:42:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9792245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: This is an alternate universe story. It spears off mid-season seven, sometime after Lineage and before Workforce. Kathryn is on a supply mission, dealing with an obnoxious planetary leader. Chakotay decides to take matters into his own hands and a new journey begins.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to Mary S for the wonderful beta on this opus.
> 
> This is a baby/action/adventure fic for Andrea (March 2008). Happy Birthday, my dear friend.

Chakotay choked back a laugh, his face breaking into a beaming smile. “That’s _not_ one of your better ideas, Kathryn.”

“Oh, _please?”_ It wasn’t quite a whine, but not far from it. “Just one small spread of photon torpedoes. No one will be any the wiser.”

Chakotay couldn’t help laughing. “I’m sorry, Kathryn. This is where I have to wear my ‘boring but sensible first officer hat’. Now repeat after me – ‘I will not use weapons fire on our hosts.’” She opened her mouth to protest but he held up his hand and amended. “No matter how much they deserve it.”

Kathryn’s eyes narrowed and she gave him a jaundiced look. “That’s not really fair, you know. I _am_ the captain, and I should be able to torpedo whoever I want.”

“I think it’s ‘whomever’, but that’s beside the point. The answer is _no.”_

“Spoil sport.” She rolled her eyes, and then poked him in the chest. “Well then, Mr Politically Correct, you find some way of stopping Ghalor Zymos from manhandling me every chance he gets, and I’ll happily comply.”

“Is he really that bad?”

Chakotay got another withering look for his trouble. Her voice was like chips of ice but there was an edge of vulnerability in her tone. “Chakotay, the man has four hands – literally – and he won’t keep them off me.”

A sudden flash of anger stabbed at Chakotay, taking him by surprise. His jaw clenched and his hand instinctively curled into a fist. It was a reflex action, but it took some effort to force his fingers to unfurl. How long had it been since he’d felt like this? Certainly a while. He was always protective of Kathryn – she was his captain after all – but this was different. This feeling tapped into something much more primal and he had to make a concerted effort to suppress his anger, not to mention his urge to beam down to the planet and beat the living daylights out of this bastard, Zymos.

Kathryn noticed the change in his demeanour and took a small step away from him. Her voice became conciliatory. “It’s all right, I’ll behave. I’ve dealt with much worse in my time, I’m sure I can handle him.” With an exaggerated shudder, she cringed then smiled. “Bad choices of words there but thanks for letting me rant. I feel much better – even if I didn’t get to shoot him.”

Chakotay returned her smile but the feeling of anger was still sitting like a clenched fist in his middle. He tried to ignore it but his efforts weren’t entirely successful, so he attempted to defuse the tension with humour. It usually worked. “Anytime, Kathryn. I don’t imagine the Ghalor’s wife can be too pleased with his behaviour, maybe she’ll shoot him for you.”

Kathryn’s face brightened. “We can live in hope.”

He chuckled. “Coffee?” She cast him a sideways glance and he laughed again. The tension eased and he was relieved to find that they’d fallen back into their easy bantering again. “Sorry, stupid question. Coffee coming up. How about something to eat? I haven’t had dinner yet. Did they feed you on the planet?”

Kathryn screwed up her nose. “They tried but the food was almost as distasteful as the company. I’d love something if you’re offering.”

“Sure am. Anything in particular you’d like?” He made his way to the replicator and Kathryn followed.

“No, whatever you were planning on having will be fine.”

Chakotay handed Kathryn her coffee and couldn’t help smiling as she took her first sip. Now _that_ was true love. Her eyes closed and her face transformed to a look of ecstasy.

She sighed and opened her eyes to find him watching her. “What?”

He shook his head and chuckled. “Nothing. But I’d advise you _not_ to do that around Ghalor Zymos if you want him to keep his hands to himself.” Chakotay passed her his cup of tea to take to the table, and then turned back to the replicator with a grin and ordered their meals.

“Don’t do what?” Kathryn’s brow knitted in confusion.

Chakotay turned back holding two plates of steaming vegetable pasta. He nodded towards the table and spoke while he carried the plates. “Make love to your beverage. You’ll never be rid of him if you do that.”

_“Make love to my beverage!?_ I do no such thing.”

“Oh yes, you do.” He couldn’t help grinning at her indignation.

Kathryn snorted. “You’re making fun of me now, aren’t you? This is payback for leaving you behind with Tuvok for the last two days.”

“I’m not making fun of you at all. You should see yourself. It’s like lust personified.”

Kathryn placed their drinks on the table and grabbed some cutlery while Chakotay found the napkins.

She let out a disbelieving, “Pfffht,” as she sat down. “What a lot of rubbish.”

Chakotay shrugged. “Ask anyone. I’ll try and capture a holoimage next time.”

Kathryn looked indignant. “I do _not_ lust after my coffee.” After taking a mouthful of food, she waited until she’d swallowed and then waved her fork at him. “I love my coffee, I might even admit to adoring my coffee, but I do _not_ lust after it.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her as he chewed. “Hmmm, yeah, whatever you say.”

She placed her fork on her plate and rested her elbows on the table. “Okay, what do I look like? You show me, and then maybe I’ll be able to tell whether or not it’s my ‘lust’ face.” She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, throwing him a challenging look.

Chakotay blinked and put down his cutlery. Now this was interesting. Her day of fighting off the overly amorous and multi-appendaged ruler of Belorm had left her a touch on the confrontational side and she was pushing for a fight. He wasn’t about to give her one, but thought it would be interesting to see her reaction. Besides, it might get her mind off the Belormie situation.

He sat back in his seat and crossed his arms, mirroring her pose. “All right. However, you have to promise not to get mad. Okay?”

Kathryn nodded. “Fine. I’m saving up all my anger for Zymos anyway. Go on then, show me what I look like.”

Chakotay held her eyes in a warm gaze as he picked up his mug of tea and cupped it lovingly in his large hands. Still looking deep into her eyes, he dipped his finger into the tea, traced it around the brim of his cup before he licked the tea from his forefinger, and let his eyes flutter shut. Moving the cup slowly towards his face, he took a deep breath, inhaling the aroma. A tremor ran through him and he slowly raised the cup to his lips. He took a long, languid sip letting his face relax into a look of abject bliss. After taking another deep breath, he let his lips open slightly and a touch of a smile softened his features. His hands caressed the mug ever so gently, his fingers stroking up and down the shiny surface in slow deliberate movements.

The tip of his tongue darted out and he licked his lips, then his eyes opened slowly. They focussed on the wide-eyed, flushed face of his captain and friend.

Kathryn made a strange choking noise, snatching her hands off the table and clasping them tightly in her lap. Her lips parted in a reflection of his and her breathing was uncharacteristically rapid. A grin started to break across his face, but then he looked on in surprise as Kathryn suddenly stood, almost knocking her chair over in her haste.

She gave him a harried smile. “I just remembered that I have some reports to finish. Thank you for dinner, Commander. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Before he had a chance to place his mug back on the table, she’d darted out of his quarters. He slumped back in his chair and stared at the closed doors. What the hell was all that about? And she’d barely touched her meal. He sighed. No doubt, he’d offended her and because she’d promised not to get mad, she’d beat a hasty retreat to avoid tearing him to shreds. Although…, he thought wryly, it had never stopped her before.

He frowned, still bemused by her reaction. It hadn’t been his intention to upset her although she didn’t look all that angry. If he didn’t know better, he could have sworn she looked frightened. With a huff, he shook his head at that thought. Kathryn Janeway? Afraid? Standing up, he reached across for her plate. Never.

He was tempted to contact her and ask if she was all right. His hand even hovered over his combadge for a few seconds, but in the end, he resisted the temptation. Knowing Kathryn, she’d just fob him off, saying she was fine and then be irked that he’d even bothered to inquire. If there were a problem, she’d tell him. Maybe.

Chakotay finished his meal, tidied the table, and recycled the dishes. After he picked up her cup and tossed out the remnants of her coffee, he stared at the mug for a moment and came to the conclusion that he would never understand her.

She hadn’t been herself though. This Zymos character and his incessant pawing and unwanted attentions had rattled her. All joking aside, she genuinely seemed upset by the Belormie leader’s advances. She wasn’t in any real danger. There was a security detail with her at all times and Chakotay wasn’t particularly worried that she would come to any harm, but the team were limited in what they could do. It was a difficult and diplomatically sensitive situation. The ship was in dire need of supplies, and that complicated matters. Kathryn, he knew, would feel obligated to tolerate the Belormie leader’s behaviour because of the desperate nature of their predicament, and Chakotay wouldn’t put it past her to put herself in harm’s way, if she felt that it was necessary.

He acknowledged the clench of fear that this thought provoked and decided that he had to do something. The stress of the negotiations was bad enough, without having to put up with the likes of this Ghalor and his wandering hands. That feeling of anger swelled in his chest again. Chakotay picked up his mug of tea and looked at it for a moment, his brow knitting in a frown. There had to be something he could do to help. Taking a seat at his desk, he pulled up all the information they’d gathered about Belormie cultural and social mores and after reading through the convoluted document a small smile teased at the corner of his mouth.

It was an audacious plan and likely to get him into no end of strife, but pretending to be her ‘significant other’ would most likely keep the Ghalor at a safe distance. There were strict conventions regarding bonded individuals within Belormie society and it was the only way that he could see to keep her out of harm’s way, not to mention the Ghalor’s repellent clutches.

Kathryn, he knew, would never approve of the idea, he could hear her protestations already, but this wasn’t about what she did or didn’t want. This was about keeping her safe and perhaps averting an interstellar confrontation. Before he could talk himself out of it, he tapped his combadge. “Chakotay to Tuvok.”

“Tuvok here, Commander.”

“Tuvok, I have decided to accompany the Captain to the surface tomorrow. There are some negotiations that will require my input.”

“Very well, Commander.” There was a pause. “The security team will meet you in the transporter room at 0800 but I welcome the increased protection, although I cannot guarantee that the Captain will.”

Chakotay smiled. Tuvok was like an overprotective parent when it came to Kathryn’s safety and she often railed against it like an obstinate teen, but Chakotay was grateful that the Vulcan was so meticulous. Between the two of them, there was some hope that they could keep her safe, even over her protestations and her natural propensity for finding trouble wherever she went. He tried to keep the amusement out of his voice. “I’ll keep that in mind, Tuvok. Good night.”

“Good night and – good luck, Commander.”

Satisfied, that he would be close by tomorrow and able to keep the slimy Belormie leader at a distance, Chakotay cleared the last of the dishes and readied himself for bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Kathryn had escaped to her quarters only to start pacing back and forth across the length of her cabin, muttering under her breath. “Damn, damn, damn and… damn. He’s going to think I’m completely insane.”

Her fingers combed through her hair and she shook her head in irritation. It had been years since she’d felt like that in his presence. She could have sworn that those feelings had long since disappeared, having slowly subsided into the warm friendship that they now shared. The heated surge of desire had taken her completely by surprise and all she could think to do was to run away. Not her most favoured tactical manoeuvre.

Watching him perform that ridiculous charade with his cup of tea had shaken her to the core. She’d been prepared to reprimand him, but when his eyes closed and his face had taken on that look of bliss, all she could think about was what it would be like to be that damned cup. To be cradled in those warm hands, caressed by those gentle fingers and touched by those luscious lips. The ache of need was still burning low in her belly and she placed her hands on her desk and bent over slightly, breathing deeply. It didn’t help much.

She felt like a fool and just hoped that he’d accepted her hurried excuse. Fortunately, she knew that he didn’t feel anything other than friendship for her these days, so the real reason for her dash out the door would never occur to him. That thought made her a little sad but then she gave herself an internal shake. _‘Get over it, Kathryn.’_

She had no idea why these feelings had reappeared out of the blue like this. Her emotional control was something in which she took great pride. Her needs had been successfully buried for so long now that she barely knew they existed anymore. However, after that little display, there was no denying it, they were still alive and well and, seemingly, very _‘needy’._

There had to be some reason for it. She’d just spent the last two days being harassed and harangued by that pig Zymos and she was feeling a little vulnerable. Perhaps that was it.

If they weren’t so desperate she’d have no qualms about kneeing the Ghalor in the groin, or whatever piece of anatomy was appropriate, and hightailing it out of there at warp nine – but she couldn’t.

Until they had the much-needed supplies safely stowed in the cargo bay, she would have to tolerate his unwanted attentions, his touching and fondling. Kathryn shuddered.

Sometimes it felt almost like she was prostituting herself for the ship. At no other time, or in any other circumstances, would she even consider tolerating the likes of Zymos and his antics. He was a chauvinist of the highest order and knew that he had her at a disadvantage. Such was the venal character of the hideous little man that he had no qualms about exploiting the situation to his advantage. She disliked the man intensely and resented his blatant misuse of power and flagrant disregard for her personal space, but her hands were tied. Pity his weren’t, she thought bitterly. She’d only been half joking about those photon torpedoes.

Kathryn took a deep breath and tried to find that calm place inside her. It was elusive tonight, so instead of wrestling with it, she decided to have a long soak in the tub and try to forget what had transpired in Chakotay’s quarters.

Making her way to the bathroom, she filled the tub and added some fragrant bubble bath to the steaming water. She stripped off her uniform and wrapped her hair in a towel before stepping into the luscious warmth. Sinking slowly into the steaming water, she felt it gradually wash away the troubles of the day. Her eyes closed, and the warm water lapped against her. The bubbles tickled her sides and her breasts, and she let her mind drift, allowing thoughts, and images to weave their way through her subconscious. Faces and moments flared and then faded until there was only Chakotay’s face smiling at her from behind her closed eyelids. A small smile softened her features and one of her hands began to skim over her body.

In an almost dreamlike state, she plucked at her nipples, rolling them between her fingers until they puckered into hard sensitive peaks. Her mind wandered and her hands followed suit. She pictured Chakotay’s fingers as they’d caressed his teacup and her fingers imitated their stroking as they slid down over her belly, through her curls to caress her clitoris. Mimicking his movements, she imagined they were his hands and fingers, touching her, teasing her. Painfully aroused, hot and swollen to the touch, her breaths became ragged gasps as one hand tugged at her nipples and the other teased at her hardened nub. It didn’t take her long to find release. Stifling a cry, her body arched out of the water, and she came in great throbbing pulses. After what seemed like ages, the rigor finally left her body and she collapsed back under the warm water.

With her eyes still closed, she silently admonished herself, ashamed of being such a victim to her needs. For someone who hadn’t had sex in many years, she didn’t indulge in self-satisfaction very often. It wasn’t that she didn’t like sex but had found, early in the journey, that masturbation left her feeling hollow and unfulfilled and because of that, she tended to forego the practice and have a coffee instead. Now that she thought about it, she wondered if that was the basis of her coffee addiction. Caffeine as a sex substitute? The Doctor would have a field day. Tonight, though, coffee wasn’t nearly enough. It had all been too confusing and her need too great.

Hugging herself in the warm cocoon of water, a tear slid from under her lashes and she swallowed hard. This was ridiculous. She had to get herself under control. There was no way she could function properly if her mind was preoccupied with inappropriate thoughts about her first officer. Taking a deep breath, she willed her thoughts to focus on something else and brought a picture of Zymos and the list of trade items to the forefront of her mind. The mere thought of the Belormie leader deadened her arousal instantly and with a little extra effort, she found some semblance of calm. Half an hour later, when the water began to cool, she stepped out of the tub feeling much more relaxed and in control.

With her errant feelings now neatly squared away, she congratulated herself feeling ready to face her first officer and another day on the planet.


	3. Chapter 3

With her ubiquitous cup of coffee in one hand and a padd in the other, Kathryn strode into the transporter room the following morning. Still reading, she slugged down the last dregs of her second cup of the day and then looked up at the platform. “Good morning, everybody…”

Chakotay was there, smiling at her. She did a double take and the events of the previous evening flashed through her mind, but she stubbornly refused to acknowledge them. In clipped tones, she addressed him. “And to what do we owe the pleasure of your company, Commander?”

“I’ve come to join the party, Captain. Tuvok has approved my addition to the team; he has things well in hand here and I thought it was high time I met our host.”

She gave him a wary look. “If I’m not mistaken, I vaguely remember that there are protocols regarding notifying the team leader of plans to join an away mission?”

Chakotay nodded. “Captain, I hereby give notice that I am joining today’s negotiations.” He grinned and Kathryn rolled her eyes.

There were a few stifled coughs and chuckles from the rest of the away team and she turned away before they could see her smile. Kathryn mumbled loudly enough for all to hear as she placed her now empty cup on the console. “Hmmm, I’m going to have to have a word with our Security officer about away team protocols. I think there are some officers who could do with a nice long lecture on away mission regulations.” She turned and stared at Chakotay. “What do you think, Commander?”

Chakotay nodded his head. “I think we should definitely look into that, Captain – when we get back.” Their eyes met and there was a flare of challenge in both their gazes; although the banter was light-hearted, Chakotay knew he hadn’t heard the last of this. Kathryn was well aware of why he was there and that she’d been out-manoeuvred. He also knew, if he’d asked her if he could join the away team, the answer would have been no – which was precisely why he hadn’t asked. Going through Tuvok was still within regulations but it was slightly underhanded and Kathryn was wise to his tactics.

He gave her an apologetic smile and her face softened. She stepped up onto the platform beside him. “Well, we’d best get this show on the road.”

_“Paris to away team.”_

“Yes, Mr Paris.”

_“The Ghalor’s aide has just sent word that his’ esteemed eminence’ is ready to receive you.”_

Kathryn heaved a heavy sigh. “Thank you, Mr Paris. Inform his ‘eminence’ that we are beaming down directly.”

_“Aye, Captain. Have fun.”_

Kathryn rolled her eyes and nodded to the transporter operator. “Energise.”

In a shimmer of blue, they were gone.

The away team materialised in a cobblestone square just outside the Belormie Ministerial Chambers. Chakotay scanned the grounds quickly. It was an impressive layout. The building was made of roughly hewn stone in a vaguely gothic style. On the three sides that he could see, massive walls, made of identical stone, surrounded it and behind them was an imposing arched entranceway. Chakotay could see through the opening to the fields and valleys beyond. It was a lush and beautiful planet and he would have liked to spend some time exploring, but their schedule and Kathryn’s impatience to continue their journey, did not allow for it.

“Ah, Kathryn, my dear Kathryn, you are here at last. I have been waiting for you.” A very rotund gentleman, decked out in frills and finery, talking in an irritating sing song voice, came barrelling down the stairs. He was short and ruddy, with thin mean lips and a nose like a burnt sausage. Chakotay disliked him on sight.

Chakotay felt Kathryn tense beside him as the man approached. Zymos’s four arms wrapped around Kathryn, and stroked up and down her back and over her bottom. She stood stiffly in the Ghalor’s embrace, enduring his touch but Chakotay could see her jaw twitching as she gritted her teeth.

It was time for him to show his hand. He took note of the security team who were standing well back and out of earshot. Standing tall, with a slightly menacing look on his face, he took a step forward. “Ghalor Zymos, please let me introduce myself. I am Commander Chakotay. Captain Janeway’s ‘First’… ” He extended his hand towards the Ghalor and the lecherous ruler was compelled to let Kathryn go and shake his hand.

Kathryn gave Chakotay a questioning look from behind Zymos and then, when she realised what he was doing, her eyes momentarily widened and then narrowed, darkening into her, all too familiar, death glare.

Chakotay avoided Kathryn’s glower and met the Belormie leader’s eyes with a brittle stare. The Ghalor was a good head shorter than Chakotay and cowered slightly under his gaze.

Zymos turned to Kathryn with a conciliatory smile. “I was not aware that you had a First, Kathryn, and such an impressive one at that.”

After a wary glance at Chakotay, Ghalor Zymos indicated that they should move inside. Kathryn’s frown deepened as Chakotay took her hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm in a proprietary manner. Without being too obvious, she tried to tug her hand free, but Chakotay held her fast to his side and, following the Ghalor’s party, they made their way up the stairs towards the great hall.

Kathryn hissed at Chakotay as they walked. “What the hell are you doing?”

Chakotay smiled down at her and whispered back. “You did ask me to find a way to stop him. This is it. Just go with it, Kathryn. Trust me.”

Her mouth opened to protest, but then she remembered that she had as good as asked him to find a way to stop Zymos from manhandling her. She could hardly blame him for taking her at her word. What she wasn’t sure about were his tactics. Pretending that they were in some way ‘attached’ was dangerous ground and she had an awful feeling that this was all going to end in tears. She glanced at Chakotay out of the corner of her eye. He was still scowling and her hand itched to reach up and smooth his brow. Damn! Her eyes darted to the front again and she concentrated on the back of the Ghalor’s unattractive head, hoping that staring at the sweaty pate would dampen any yearnings that were trying to sneak past her tight control. It worked, sort of.

They entered the main chamber and took their seats. Kathryn was seated next to the Ghalor and Chakotay was assigned a seat at the far end of the table, but without looking at anyone, he lifted his chair and put it to the left of Kathryn’s and sat down without a moment’s hesitation.

Zymos was a little taken aback, but obviously intimidated enough by the scowling Captain’s ‘First’, that he made no mention of the breach of protocol. It took a great deal of effort, on Kathryn’s part, not to smile at Chakotay’s brazen intimidation, but they soon settled and got to work.

The negotiations were a drawn out and tedious affair, but they made some progress… much more than they had during the previous two days. Not having to fight off Zymos at every turn helped enormously and, by the end of the day, Kathryn was well satisfied with what they’d achieved and grateful to Chakotay for being there. He’d continued with his charade of ‘ownership’ during the negotiations, sitting beside her quietly, and frowning at anyone who looked at her sideways.

During the breaks for refreshments and lunch, they’d maintained the pretence of being lovers. Chakotay had stood at her side with her hand tucked into his elbow. They’d moved about the room together, talking to various dignitaries and by the afternoon, she’d fallen into the role as if it were second nature. Chakotay remained quietly attentive and managed somehow to balance an air of subordination with an almost belligerent protectiveness.

Zymos, appropriately unnerved by Chakotay’s imposing presence, was rather reserved with his goodbyes, but the Ghalor’s wife seemed very pleased and bade them an enthusiastic farewell at the end of the day. There were just a few loose ends to tidy up and Kathryn calculated that they should be finished by mid morning the following day. It couldn’t be too soon as far as she was concerned.

There would undoubtedly be some sort of celebration to mark the end of the successful negotiations, but she was hoping that it would be a simple affair and that they could be back on the road, so to speak, by the evening. She’d had more than enough of the Belormians. They were an unattractive people on virtually every level.

Kathryn heaved a sigh as soon as she materialised on the transporter platform. She was relieved to be home; turning to the security detail, she smiled. “Thank you, gentlemen. See you back here again tomorrow. Dismissed.”

They wished her and Chakotay a good evening and left the transporter room.

“Dinner, Kathryn? I still owe you one from last night. You barely touched your meal.”

She really should decline. His mention of last night’s dinner brought troubling thoughts to mind, but she dismissed them, turned to him, and smiled. After their busy day, she was keen to relax and if she went back to her quarters, she knew she wouldn’t bother with dinner. An evening with Chakotay was always a pleasant diversion. If she could keep her feelings and thoughts under control, it should be a simple night of good food and good company. He was her best friend after all.

“Thank you, that sounds wonderful.” They sauntered out of the transporter room and Kathryn almost made the mistake of weaving her arm through his as they walked. She’d slipped into her role far too easily and would have to be vigilant.

They walked from the turbo lift to her door and stopped. Kathryn turned to Chakotay. “I won’t be long. I just need to freshen up. Red or white?”

Chakotay thought for a moment. “White, I think, but whatever you like. I’m easy.”

Kathryn gave him a candid look and smirked. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Chakotay’s eyes lit with amusement and something else as he caught her gaze.

Kathryn’s heart skipped a beat when she realised what she’d said. Blood surged to her cheeks and without another word, she quickly turned away, keyed in her door code and slipped into her quarters.

She wanted to kick herself. What the hell was she doing? Was she flirting with him? What she really needed was her head read. Now wasn’t the time to start something she couldn’t finish; Chakotay deserved better than that. What he really deserved was to find someone who could give him what he wanted – a life and a family, a secure relationship and a promise for the future.

Over the years, they’d spoken to one another many times about their dreams of home and family but always with the acknowledgment that for Kathryn, while she was still in command of Voyager, it was a futile yearning. For Chakotay, however, there would be opportunities for him to find someone and make his dream a reality. Kathryn knew there were many women on Voyager who would gladly fill that role. She wasn’t completely oblivious to what his feelings for her had been, but she also knew that eventually he would find someone and move on with his life. It would be good for him. She wanted him to be happy. He deserved to be.

Why then did the mere thought of it make her almost physically ill? Without considering the consequences, her heart tossed the answer before her in all its garish reality – _because she was in love with him._ Her stomach clenched uncomfortably again. This was insane. She couldn’t allow herself the luxury of being in love with him. It just couldn’t be. She wanted things to go back to the way they were before. It was almost impossible to function like this.

She tapped her combadge firmly. “Janeway to Chakotay.”

_“Chakotay here.”_

“I’ve changed my mind, Commander. Thank you anyway, but I think I’ll have an early night. We still have several hours of negotiating to plough through tomorrow and then god knows what sort of festivities to endure afterwards. So a raincheck for tonight, if that’s all right?”

_“That’s fine, Kathryn. I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep well.”_

“Thank you, Chakotay. Good night.”

_“‘Night.”_

Kathryn stripped off her jacket and after tossing it on her chair, plonked herself down onto the couch with a sigh. This really was not good. If it were feasible, she’d blame Chakotay, but as far as he was concerned, nothing had changed. He was still being her supportive and friendly right hand man. She was the one with the problem and it was something she’d better get under control or there were likely to be dire repercussions. Another bath was in order but then she changed her mind. Knowing what was likely to happen if she slid into the warm water while she was feeling like this. Instead, she decided on a quick sonic shower and perhaps some reading in bed before she went to sleep. She was just about to pull off her tee when the door chimed.

“Come.”

It was Chakotay.

“I thought I’d bring you this. I’d already programmed the replicator when you commed, and I knew you probably wouldn’t eat. It seemed a shame to waste it.”

He carried in a tray with a bowl of soup and a bread roll.

Kathryn was at a loss for words and could feel the uncharacteristic burn of tears. With a great deal of effort, she swallowed past them and smiled. “Thank you, Chakotay. You’re right. I wouldn’t have eaten.” Her face softened as she looked up at him. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He laughed. “Starve, most likely.” Moving past her, he placed the tray on the table and turned back towards her, touching her arm as he walked past. “Enjoy, Kathryn and don’t let it get cold.”

Kathryn clenched her fists tightly, her nails digging into her palms to stop herself from reaching out to him. She forced a smile onto her face and nodded. “Thank you. I won’t.”

He looked at her once more and a slight frown creased his brow, but Kathryn turned away. It wouldn’t do for him to see her distress. He hadn’t moved though and she turned back. His concern was clear to see and he began to speak. “Kath…”

“Please don’t ask, Chakotay. I’ll be fine. Thank you for being so thoughtful. I really do appreciate it.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? I’m a good listener.”

It was so tempting, but Kathryn knew that it was impossible. “Yes, you are, but, no thank you. I’ll be fine. I’m just tired.” She turned towards the table. “I’ll eat my dinner like a good captain and then have an early night.” This time her smile was more convincing and with a nod, Chakotay turned and left her quarters.

Kathryn’s shoulders slumped and she dropped her head into her hands as soon as the door closed behind him. This really was getting out of hand. It had all started with that damned nonsense with his cup of tea last night and now she couldn’t get him out of her mind. She was angry with herself for behaving like a lovesick adolescent and at the same time saddened that he had no idea about her feelings. Enough was enough, though; it was time to move past this and behave like an adult. Standing up straight and with a concerted effort, she pushed thoughts of him to the back of her mind and taking a seat at the table, began to eat. The food was delicious and she realised she’d been hungrier than she thought. Trust Chakotay to know better than her what she needed.

He was a good man. The very best and she was lucky to have him as her first officer and friend. That was how she was going to have to approach this latest emotional upheaval – just be grateful for what she had and not pine and fret over what was out of her reach. Maybe one day, if luck was on her side, and he hadn’t found anyone else in the meantime, she could tell him of her feelings and see where it led. Pushing her empty plate away, she nodded her head. That’s exactly what she was going to do and, with a good deal of self-control, things would be back to normal within a day or two. Feeling better, Kathryn cleaned up the table, had a quick shower, and climbed into bed. Picking up a book, she began to read. The next thing she knew the computer was telling her it was 0600.

Kathryn stretched and knocked her book to the floor. She’d slept like the dead and felt much better for it. Hopefully, being well rested meant that she would be better equipped to deal with the day’s negotiations and Chakotay’s company. After a cup of coffee, she showered and readied herself for the day.


	4. Chapter 4

The Ghalor and his entourage met them again in the courtyard of the Ministerial Chambers but today there was no hug and no fondling. Zymos didn’t look particularly pleased but Kathryn greeted him pleasantly and soon the negotiations were underway. Two hours later, they’d sealed the deal – the foodstuffs and materials were to be beamed to the ship the following morning. Kathryn excused herself and spoke to Tuvok about organising the items that the Belormie had requested in exchange. They would be ready by tomorrow as well. Kathryn couldn’t wait for this to all be over.

After uploading the item list to Voyager, Kathryn turned back towards the table to see Ghalor Zymos and Chakotay deep in conversation. She frowned. Chakotay was shaking his head, but Zymos seemed insistent. She hurried back.

“Ahh, Captain. Your First and I were just organising your accommodations for the festival. He was insisting that you return to your ship, but I assured him that you would be more than comfortable in the living quarters we have provided. Our most lavish apartment has been set aside for you and I took the initiative of contacting your Medical personnel to ensure that everything we provided would meet with your approval and your species’ requirements.”

Kathryn met Chakotay’s eyes and he looked apologetic. “Ghalor Zymos, thank you very much for your most generous offer, but the Commander and I should be on board to organise the items for exchange, and it is not within the purview of Starfleet regulations for both of us to spend time away from the ship at the same time.”

Zymos frowned. “I find it hard to believe that, as a bonded pair, you are not permitted some time to yourselves. I have taken the liberty of contacting Mr Tuvok and he has assured me that the ship is in good order and that you and the Commander can be spared for one night.”

Kathryn shot a worried glance towards Chakotay, but he just gave her a bemused smile. She was going to have a piece of Tuvok when she got home. How dare he presume? She took a deep breath, ready to attempt another diversionary tactic with the Ghalor, but Chakotay interrupted.

“Thank you very much for your hospitality, Ghalor Zymos. The Captain and I would be pleased to accept your hospitality. We will return to the ship and gather some items for our stay?”

“Oh, you won’t need to do that. Everything you need has been provided, and if there is anything else you require, all you need do is have it beamed down. This is our gift to you for being so accommodating with our requests and it would also please my wife.” He turned and gave his spouse a sour smile and she sneered and bowed slightly in return. “It is imperative that I keep her happy.” He clapped his hands and one of the servants shuffled to his side. “Take the Captain and the Commander to their accommodations.” He bowed to them both and with a glint in his eye he smiled leeringly. “Enjoy your stay.”

Chakotay grabbed Kathryn’s hand before she could slap the slimy worm of a leader and pulled her gently away to follow the servant.

She glared up at Chakotay. “What in God’s name do you think you’re doing? We can’t do this.”

Chakotay frowned at her and nodded towards the servant. “Shhh. I thought if we could get to the ship, we could feign some excuse and stay there. But he called my bluff.”

Kathryn’s eyes opened wide. He had the audacity to ‘shoosh’ her. She was about to let fly with a barrage of vitriol when he squeezed her hand and leant down to whisper in her ear. “Please Kathryn, not here. The Ghalor is watching.”

Turning around, she smiled at Zymos as he watched them walk away. Chakotay was right. They still had to be on their best behaviour. The trade items weren’t secure until they were stowed in their cargo bay. They’d been in the Delta quadrant long enough to know that nothing was a certainty except for the fact that you could always count on things going wrong with unerring frequency. Tucking her hand into Chakotay’s arm and holding her other hand behind her back, they followed the servant through a maze of corridors to their room.

‘Room’ was something of an understatement – it was a luxurious apartment. The main foyer was lavishly appointed with gold framed mirrors and large embossed vases, each one filled with a tumble of fragrant flowers. The heady scent was almost overpowering. Walking though to the living area, they found it again extravagantly decorated with a large comfortable settee, matching armchairs set in front of a large ornate fireplace. Soft rugs were scattered on the floor, a small dining table was set over by the large windows that looked out over a lush and flower filled courtyard. The room wasn’t quite to her taste, it was ostentatious and overly showy, but the gardens were beautiful. Kathryn was sure she could hear the sound of running water and on closer inspection, she found a cascade and small stream running haphazardly through the thick foliage. It was peaceful and calming, and the perfect antidote to the stress of the day. While Kathryn was soaking up the tranquillity of the garden, she heard Chakotay whistle quietly. She turned to find him peering into yet another room. Walking over to join him, her eyes widened in surprise. Two large sliding doors had been pushed aside to reveal the bedroom, and it was _enormous._ Not just the room, but the bed as well – housed under a great canopy it was big enough for the entire bridge crew.

Chakotay muttered something under his breath and Kathryn turned to him. “I beg your pardon?”

He shrugged and grinned. “I said that you’d need a cut lunch to get from one side of that to the other.”

Kathryn smiled and shook her head. “Well, don’t get lost in there. I’ll be sleeping on the sofa.”

“No, Kathryn. You have the bed, and I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

He prepared for a fight but Kathryn just shrugged again. “Suit yourself. This was your idea after all.”

Chakotay frowned at that interpretation. “How did you come to that conclusion? If I remember rightly, it was your friend Zymos who invited us to stay.”

Kathryn quirked her brow. “And it was my _‘First’_ officer who accepted that invitation without consulting his captain. In my book that gets you the sofa and me an acre of bed.”

Chakotay looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “We could always…” He didn’t get to finish that thought.

“Don’t even think about it.” Kathryn shook her head and moved into the room. There was no way in hell that she was going to share that bed with him, even if it was in the interest of maintaining the charade.

She checked the wardrobe and found clothes for both of them. They were simple attire of a loose fitting top and matching pants, they looked more like pyjamas than anything else, but they appeared comfortable and, as Kathryn noted, they had nothing else to wear. Whether she liked them or not wasn’t a consideration.

“I’m going to have a bath.” Taking the smaller set of clothing from the cupboard, she moved over to another door and pulled it open. She’d presumed this was the bathroom and she was right, but was completely unprepared for what was behind the door. She gasped. It was the bathroom of her dreams, and _the_ most extraordinary one she’d ever seen.

Chakotay came up behind her and peered over her shoulder. “I might finish up with the bed after all. You may never leave the bathroom.”

Kathryn huffed a laugh and without turning, nodded her head. “You may be right.” Without further ado, she stepped forward and pushed the door closed behind her.

Chakotay had to leap back to avoid having his nose broken. “Hey, careful,” There was no answer and he could hear the bath running already. She wouldn’t be able to hear him with her mind wholly preoccupied with that swimming pool sized bathtub. Smiling, he moved out to the living area to find something to eat and drink.

It didn’t take him long to find a refrigerating unit, filled with an array of packaged foods, fruits, and confectionery, hidden inside one of the larger cupboards on the back wall of the living space. As a precaution, he scanned the foodstuffs and the beverages. They were all compatible and, as well as juice and water, there were several bottles of local wine and something that scanned as remarkably similar to beer. He might investigate that later, but for now, he grabbed a bottle of water, a packet of nuts and taking his loot out onto the balcony, he sat and looked out over the tranquil garden.

Kathryn was likely to be several hours in the bathroom, so he closed his eyes and let his mind wander. This whole situation had gotten somewhat out of hand. He hadn’t intended for the pretence to go this far, but now that they were in the midst of it, they were committed to see it through. They couldn’t afford for Ghalor Zymos to find out that they, or rather he, had lied about being ‘bonded’ and risk losing their hard won supplies.

Kathryn was being remarkably accepting… to a point, but he hoped that this evening and this situation wouldn’t spoil their friendship. It was something that was far too important to him. As he was ruminating about how they were going to approach this evening’s celebration, there was a knock at the door.

He made his way through the living area to find a servant waiting in the foyer, holding two large packages. He handed them to Chakotay with a bow. “Your attire for the festival. The Ghalor looks forward to your presence and sends his tidings.”

Chakotay eyed the parcels warily but nodded to the servant. “Thank his eminence and send him our regards. We are also looking forward to the festival and will see him there this evening.”

The servant backed away, then turned and left.

Chakotay carried the packages into the bedroom and opened them. He whistled soundlessly and shook his head. Kathryn was not going to be happy. Holding up the dress she was to wear, he turned it this way and that. It was very beautiful; made of layers of some diaphanous material in varying shades of green. She would look stunning but he didn’t think she would be comfortable wearing something so revealing. He opened the other package and found a pair of body hugging breeches and a frilled shirt and topcoat that seemed to be the attire of choice of the male Belormians. Well, they were certainly going to look the pair. It reminded him of some of the characters from Kathryn’s romantic holo-adventures. Shaking his head again, he hung the clothes in the wardrobe and placed the underwear, shoes, and other accoutrements that came with the outfits, into the cupboard. He closed the cupboard door, just as the bathroom door opened and Kathryn emerged, wearing the pyjama like clothing and towelling her hair.

She gave him a smile and then her brow creased into a frown. “What’s that look for?”

Chakotay shrugged. “What look?”

“That one. The ‘I’m so innocent, butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth’ look. What is it you don’t want to tell me?”

“I must be slipping or you know me far too well.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes. “Chakotay, you’re an open book. So… what is it?”

He gave her a sideways glance and then opened the wardrobe and pulled out their outfits. “These just arrived.”

Kathryn moved towards him and took the dress from his hands. He waited for the explosion, even taking a small step away so he wasn’t within the blast zone and then she surprised him… again. “It’s beautiful. If the Ghalor chose this, he missed his calling. Where’s yours?”

Chakotay reached into the wardrobe and pulled out his ‘costume’. Kathryn gave it an appraising look and then met his gaze. She smiled. “Very dashing.” Holding the dress up against her front, she swished it from side to side and then looked at him. “What do you think?”

“Lovely.” He took the road of least resistance, just in case she was trying to catch him out, but she seemed genuinely pleased with the dress. He decided that he would never understand Kathryn – perhaps women in general. He could have sworn that the dress, or lack of it, would have upset her; it just showed how little he knew.

Kathryn peered into the cupboard. “Are there shoes and things to go with it?”

Chakotay chuckled. “Yes.” He pulled out a pair of green flat-soled slippers and pointed to a very small pile of lacy undergarments on one of the shelves. Kathryn picked up the underwear and examined it. He couldn’t help smiling as he watched a blush creep up her neck to her cheeks.

Suddenly realising what she was doing, she snatched them into a bundle and placed them back in the cupboard. “I take it back. The Ghalor is perfectly matched to his calling as a lecherous pig.” Without another word, she tossed the dress on the bed and walked out to the living area.


	5. Chapter 5

Chakotay hung the dress in the wardrobe again and followed her out into the other room. She was standing with her back to him, looking out at the garden. He moved to stand on the other side of the doorway, leaning against the frame. Trying not to be too obvious, he watched her and then turned to the view. “Kathryn, if you’re uncomfortable with this, I’m sure we can manufacture some sort of excuse to make it possible for you to return to the ship.”

Turning towards him slowly, she frowned. “Sick of my company already, Commander?”

“Of course not, but you seem out of sorts. I apologise for the ruse. I should have talked to you about it beforehand, but you appeared so upset by the Ghalor and his attentions that I felt I had to do something. Perhaps implying that I was someone significant in your life wasn’t the most brilliant of plans, but, considering their strict rules in regard to bonded pairs, I thought it would at least make Zymos keep his distance. Anthropologically speaking, there are very few species of animal that don’t recognise ‘territorial’ claims.”

Kathryn swung around and stared at him after that statement. “Oh, nicely put. Romance is obviously alive and well.” Her words oozed sarcasm and she swung away, moving over to the other side of the room to start rummaging through the drawers and cupboards.

Chakotay turned slowly to watch her. Something wasn’t right. Romance?? Now she was angry and he had no idea why. “Kathryn?” She turned to him slowly and tried to smile. It wasn’t very successful. “Have I done something to offend you?”

She huffed a laugh. “No, not at all. It’s nothing you’ve done, Commander. I think I’m just tired.”

He knew that was true, but he also knew that it wasn’t really the reason for her bad mood; however, he wasn’t about to argue. “Why don’t you have a rest before the festival?” He looked over his shoulder towards the bedroom. “There’s all that bed just waiting to be slept on.”

“Huh? Oh, the bed. Yes, I might do that later, but for now, I’d kill for a cup of coffee. I wonder if they have anything that even remotely resembles it.”

He wandered over to the wall with the refrigeration unit and opened the cupboard on the other side. “All the food is in here, they might have something, and if not, we can always ask Neelix to beam some down.”

Kathryn smiled. “Now why didn’t I think of that?”

“You were still trying to get over the underwear shock, I think.”

She glared at him but he just smiled and raised his brows. Kathryn shook her head. “You’ll keep. Wait until you have to squeeze yourself into those breeches. I’m looking forward to seeing how that goes.”

Chakotay stifled a laugh. “Really?”

Kathryn glowered at him. “You know what I mean.” With a shake of her head, she turned away and continued her search.

“Chakotay to Neelix.”

_“Neelix here, Commander.”_

“Neelix, could you please have a large pot of coffee beamed down to these co-ordinates?”

_“Certainly, Commander. It’s on its way. Just give me a minute.”_

“Thank you, Neelix.”

_“My pleasure and tell the Captain that I’ll make it extra strong.”_

Kathryn had stopped her hunting and turned to Chakotay. “Neelix, thank you very much. You’re a godsend.”

_“It’ll be there shortly, Captain, and it’s no trouble at all. Neelix out.”_

Kathryn stood with her hands on her hips, contemplating her first officer. “Thank you.” She smiled.

He grinned and Kathryn’s insides did that strange flip flop again.

“Just doing my duty and looking after my captain. I know how much you ‘adore’ your coffee.”

This time her insides withered and crumbled. ‘His duty’. She should have known. It took all her effort to maintain her cheerful expression and not cry. God, she was pathetic. “Well, thank you, anyway.” She managed to choke out then turned and headed back towards the bedroom.

This time he knew he’d said something wrong and upset her. Ever since their dinner the other evening, she’d been different. He’d had a constant churning in his chest as well. Something had happened over the last forty-eight hours that had thrown their relationship into a tailspin. Feelings and desires that he thought he’d long since tamed were back with a vengeance and riding roughshod over his hard won control. His reaction to Ghalor Zymos was a perfect example. If the weasel laid a hand on Kathryn again, he would happily knock the vile little creature from here to Sunday. He hadn’t felt that way in many years and it wasn’t a good frame of mind to be in, particularly in a tenuous diplomatic situation. His control had taken years to perfect. All those unrequited feelings for Kathryn that had ruled his life for so long, and that he thought he’d successfully quashed, were back. Her reactions to him were different as well.

All these thoughts were swirling around in his mind as he watched her disappear into the bedroom. Before he could think too much about it, he followed. “Kathryn. I’m sorry.”

She turned to him and frowned. “You’ve nothing to be sorry about.”

“I do. I know I’ve done something to upset you and I think it had something to do with dinner and that stunt with my cup of tea the other night. Everything was fine until then. I apologise. It was only done in jest and I promise not to make fun of your coffee in future.” He tried to lighten the moment but Kathryn’s face was very serious and her eyes were glinting with something akin to anger, but not.

She held her hands up. “Look, I’m fine. Once we’re away from this planet, things will go back to normal.”

“So you agree that ‘things’…” he waved his hand back and forth between them, “are not ‘normal’.” He frowned. “I knew it. Damn.”

“Look, Chakotay, it’s not your fault, it’s mine. I’ll get over it. Can we just leave it at that?”

“Can I help?”

“NO!” Kathryn shot back without even thinking. “I mean, no thank you, I’ll handle it. It’ll be okay.”

Now Chakotay looked very worried. “Are you all right, Kathryn? There’s nothing wrong, is there? Nothing that I should know about?”

Now she was confused. “Wrong?” He was peering at her worriedly, assessing her face and body. It was most disconcerting. Then she realised that he’d assumed that she was unwell. “No, Chakotay I’m fine. ‘Fighting fit’ was the Doctor’s most recent diagnosis. I’m fine, you don’t have to worry.”

“I always worry about you.”

“I know. It’s your job, remember.”

“I would worry even if it wasn’t my job. That’s just the excuse I use so I can nag you.”

Kathryn’s mouth twisted into a half smile. “You do a fine job of it, Commander.”

“I’m pleased you think so. But Kathryn, if you need to talk, you know I’m always here.”

She laid her hand on his arm and smiled at him warmly. “Yes, I know you are and I’m grateful. You’re a wonderful friend and a fine first officer.”

Chakotay laid his hand over Kathryn’s on his arm and gave it a squeeze. Smiling affectionately, he shrugged. “What can I say? I love my job.”

Kathryn breathed in deeply and their eyes met and held for a long moment. Their smiles faded as they began an almost imperceptible drift towards one another, as if being pulled by an invisible force.

Their faces got closer and closer, and Kathryn’s eyes fluttered shut. Her lips softened as she moved towards him and, when she could feel the heat of his breath against her mouth, her lips opened slightly. They were about to kiss. She was going to kiss Chakotay and she cared not a jot whether it was the right or wrong thing to do. Come hell or high water, she was going to kiss him. Her mind shouted loud and clear, and her heart pounded in answer. Time seemed to stand still and her lips were almost on his when suddenly his combadge chirped, shocking them both. They jumped away from each other as if burned.

_“Neelix to Commander Chakotay.”_

Chakotay didn’t take his eyes off Kathryn’s as he tapped his badge. His voice a gruff whisper. “Chakotay here.”

_“The Captain’s coffee is ready to be beamed down.”_

“Energise.”

They both heard the telltale sound of the transporter beam, but they didn’t move or take their eyes off one another.

“Thank you, Neelix.”

_“Anytime. Tell the Captain that it’s her favourite blend. Neelix out.”_

Long moments passed and still they hadn’t moved away from one another.

There was, of course, the small issue of actually being able to move.

Kathryn didn’t think she could, even if she wanted to. Her legs were likely to buckle if she tried. Instead, she laid her hand on his chest and watched as he inhaled shakily. She took a correspondingly ragged breath and tried to smile. Swallowing hard, she let her hand slide from his chest and at the same time her other hand slid from under his on his arm. The loss of contact left her bereft, but what else could she do. Her heart ached with love and need, and the look of understanding etched with disappointment on Chakotay’s face made her want to scream at the injustice of it all.

All the protocols and regulations in the known universe could not justify the hurt that this was causing. Not just to Chakotay, she was in agony as well. It was time to step away. It really was. If only she could convince her feet to move.

He gave her a small smile. It was a gentle loving smile, in spite of what she was doing to them, and that was what changed her mind. Kathryn hung her head and closed her eyes. Damn it, she wanted this so badly. What harm could there be? Surely, they’d proven themselves over the years. Voyager ran like a well-oiled machine, and whether or not she and Chakotay were involved would have little impact on their command these days. Damn, she was going to do it. She was going to take this relationship forward. Take it to where it should have gone years ago, except for her adamant refusal to break with outdated rules and regulations. These thoughts took only a second or two to dart though her mind and opening her eyes she went to take a step forward, into his arms, but Chakotay had turned away.

“I should have a shower. Are you finished in the bathroom?”

Kathryn nodded, not sure if she were able to speak. He glanced at her, noted her affirmation and then gave her a small smile and walked away. Her heart felt like it had broken in two and then she admonished herself. Reality, like a bucket of cold water, reasserted itself. What had she been thinking? He was right; they couldn’t go down that road. All the reasons she’d been telling herself for years reared up in her mind and she realised how lucky she was that Chakotay had managed to keep his head. If he hadn’t…God knows where they would be now. She turned and looked at that enormous bed and swallowed, knowing that’s exactly where they would be if Chakotay hadn’t taken the high moral ground and turned away. She hated him a little for doing that.

The bathroom door closed and Kathryn jolted. Taking a shuddering breath, she moved to stand by the window and contemplate the garden. It didn’t seem so peaceful anymore. She needed a coffee.


	6. Chapter 6

Neelix’s carafe was sitting on the table and she poured herself a hefty cup. Her thoughts about substituting coffee for sex flashed through her mind, but she doused them with the first sip. That was the last thing she needed to do – start analysing her one and only indulgence. She closed her eyes and let the acrid liquid slide over her tongue before she swallowed. Ahhh, but it was good. Opening her eyes, she caught her reflection in the window, and did a double take. Chakotay was right. She did look like lust personified when she drank her coffee. With a shake of her head, she turned away from her reflection and wandered around the room, touching the furniture and investigating the cupboards and drawers. It was going to be a long night.

Chakotay eventually emerged from the bathroom wearing the loose clothing, similar to Kathryn’s. He smiled as he walked to where she sat on the couch.

Kathryn scrunched her eyes shut and then sat up straight. “Chakotay?”

“Hmmm?”

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked towards him. “I think we should discuss what happened.”

He turned. His eyes looked pained and he gave a sharp shake of his head. “I don’t think so, Kathryn. Not just now. We have a busy evening ahead of us and to be honest, I’m not really up to the business of going over all the reasons why we can’t do…” His hand waved back and forth between them. “…this. I know the reasons, I understand them and in many ways, I agree with them, but I don’t have to like them. Let’s just leave it for now, huh?” He turned away again. Kathryn reached towards him, but he didn’t see and her hand flopped back into her lap. Life could be so unfair.

Chakotay picked up a padd. “I’m just going to catch up on a few log entries.” He glanced at her before he turned and moved out onto the balcony to sit in the shade just out of her line of sight. She wasn’t sure if he was angry with her or not. It didn’t really matter. She was angry enough with herself for the two of them. Picking up a padd as well, she attempted to get her thoughts in order and log an entry about today’s negotiations. It took forever. Her mind kept darting back to the ‘almost kiss’ and it created a well of bitterness that she was having trouble overcoming. The clock chimed and she checked the time. They were due in the grand ballroom in an hour. It was probably time for them to start getting ready. Kathryn stood and wandered over to the doorway. She spoke quietly. “We’re due at the celebration in an hour; I’m going to get dressed.”

Chakotay looked over his shoulder at her. “As the guests of honour, I suppose it wouldn’t do to be late. Fashionably or not.”

Kathryn shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t think so. I won’t be long.”

She closed the bedroom doors behind her and pulled the dress and accessories from the wardrobe. She slipped on the underwear. It was comfortable, if not a little more revealing that what she was used to, then undoing the fastenings on the dress, she slipped it on. Reaching around, she was able to do up a couple of the clasps, but couldn’t reach the top ones. She would have to get Chakotay to fix those. Leaving them undone, she stood back from the mirror to see how she looked. It was a beautiful dress, there was no doubt about it; falling in soft waves almost to the ground, it rippled and swirled against her body. Looking over her shoulder to make certain that the bedroom doors were securely shut and he couldn’t see in, she spun around and watched as the fabric lifted, cloud-like, to just above her knees and then drifted down again. It really was an exquisite dress. In the bathroom, she found a drawer with a hairbrush, a few items of makeup and some scent. She brushed her hair until it shone and hung in soft waves around her face. She dabbed on a bit of makeup and some perfume, then sliding her feet into the slippers, she gave herself one last ‘head to toe’ in the mirror. Satisfied, she moved out into the living area again.

“Your turn, Chakotay.” He was still out on the balcony.

“On my way.” He walked through the door and stopped dead in his tracks. “Kathryn… you look amazing.” His face broke into a warm smile, which broadened as she walked towards him.

She turned around, as she got close. “Would you mind doing up the last couple of clasps? I can’t reach them.”

“Sure.” His fingers were hot against her bare back and she couldn’t help the shiver that trickled down her spine at his touch. He was close behind her, close enough that she could feel his breath on her neck. Her eyes closed and she had to stop herself from leaning back into him.

Laying his hand on her shoulder, he spoke in a gruff voice close to her ear. “Done.”

“Thank you.” It came out as a husky whisper and she moved a few steps away from him. Not trusting herself not to fall into his arms. God, it was going to be a long, long night.

“You’re welcome.” He stood back and cast his eyes over her. “You look beautiful, Kathryn. You’ll be the belle of the ball.”

Kathryn gave him a strange look. “That sounds very ‘once upon a time’. Let’s just hope neither of us turns into a pumpkin, or has any mishaps with their footwear.”

Chakotay shook his head again and looked confused.

She was going to explain but then thought better of it. “Forget it. It’s too hard to explain.”

He chuckled softly, and then moved towards the bedroom. “I won’t be long.” The doors slid shut and Kathryn sighed.

Things were still awkward, but they weren’t as bad as she’d imagined they would be and once she and Chakotay were at the celebration, their diplomatic duties would keep them occupied, and hopefully they wouldn’t have time to think about what had nearly happened here earlier.

Pity she couldn’t keep it out of her mind

Ten minutes later, Chakotay emerged from the bedroom looking elegant and very dashing in his breeches, shirt, and tails. He tugged at his jacket and fiddled with the ruffles around his neck, giving Kathryn a cautious smile. “Well?”

Kathryn grinned. “Very debonair. I’m sure you’ll have all the ladies swooning.” After saying this, a strange sensation tugged at her insides. It stung like jealousy and she quickly tamped down the feeling.

He huffed a laugh and, snapping his heels together, held out his arm. “M’lady.”

With a rueful grin, Kathryn tucked her hand under his elbow and they left the room for the reception.

They arrived at the entrance to the ballroom and, with great fanfare, they were announced to the crowd. There were a chorus of ‘ooos’ and ‘ahhs’ as they walked down the stairs. Kathryn felt very uncomfortable; a little like she was some sort of rare and exotic animal on display. She whispered to Chakotay. “God, I hope this doesn’t last long. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

“An ‘I wish I’d brought my phaser rifle’ kind of bad feeling, or just a ‘I’m going to regret this, wake me when it’s over’ kind of feeling?”

Kathryn stifled a laugh. “The latter for the moment, but ask me again in a couple of hours.”

“Heads up, incoming.” The Ghalor and his lemon-lipped wife were approaching. Kathryn turned and gave them her brightest smile, but Chakotay noticed that her grip on his arm tightened and she moved slightly closer to him.

They spent a couple of hours smiling politely and listening to the vacuous chatter of dignitaries and Belormie court officials. Dinner was served in the great hall and they ate meagrely. Chakotay glanced sideways at Kathryn at one point, communicating silently with a surreptitious roll of his eyes about the food. She understood the message and smiled. It was very unpalatable.

There was the predictable onslaught of after dinner entertainment, with dancers, acrobats, and jugglers. Kathryn and Chakotay were impressed with the juggling. Performing with four arms made for a mind-boggling display. Later in the evening, there were the usual mind numbing succession of official speeches and Kathryn, at one point addressed the crowd, thanking them for their generosity and kindness and the Ghalor for his hospitality. Just when they thought it was going to go on forever, the band suddenly packed up and left, and the room cleared.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay. “They’re not ones for long goodbyes, are they?” He laughed and they left as well, taking the meandering path back to their room.

As soon as they were through the door, Kathryn kicked off her shoes. She contacted Voyager to ensure that all the trade items were ready for transfer first thing in the morning, and ordered another carafe of coffee and some sandwiches to be beamed down.

Chakotay raided the refrigeration unit again, and opened two bottles of the Belormie beer to have with their sandwiches. He poured them into glasses and took a swig. “It’s not bad.” Nodding his head, he held the dark amber ale up to the light. “Slightly bitter, but refreshing.”

Kathryn took a sip and agreed. “I’m so hungry I could eat brine soaked neccel strips between slabs of devilled woodthrok. I don’t know what it is about the Belormie cuisine that makes it so unappetising, but I just can’t stomach it. God forbid I’m getting used to Neelix’s cooking. I may never be able to appreciate proper food again.”

Chakotay grinned, offered Kathryn a sandwich, and then looked up into the night sky as he ate his.

Kathryn followed his gaze. “Can you see Voyager?”

He turned to her and shook his head. “I wasn’t really looking.”

“It should be about there.” She pointed to a spot above their heads and to the right. “Calculating from our latitude and longitude and Voyager’s orbit.”

They stared at the spot for a minute or two and then Chakotay pointed at a small dot of light moving across the night sky a little further to their left. “There! That’s probably her. I wonder what they’re doing. I think it’ll be wise to check for bunting and party food remnants on the bridge when we get back. When the cat’s away…”

Kathryn laughed. “Tuvok probably has them all doing security drills or tactical training. Although he would never let on, I know that he takes great delight in seeing Tom Paris hanging upside down from cliffs and running up mountains.”

“’Tom Torture’. It’s a particular spectator sport that we all enjoy.”

They turned to one another and grinned. Kathryn shook her head and turned to look at the sky again. “Poor Tom. Do you think he knows?”

Chakotay nodded. “Yes, absolutely and I suppose we should be grateful that he’s such a good sport. He’s a one person morale booster.” He studied her profile while he sipped his beer. “Is that why you cut him so much slack?”

Kathryn shrugged and glanced at him briefly before turning back to watch the bright dot that was Voyager move across the night sky. “In a way. He’s a free spirit and the tighter you try to rein in someone like that, the more trouble you make for yourself. He’s a good man and his heart’s in the right place, not to mention that he’s the best pilot I’ve ever known. It’s just that he needs a little more leeway than say, someone like Harry. He knows where the line is drawn and he usually keeps to his side of it.”

Chakotay’s brow furrowed as he contemplated her.

She gave him a quizzical look. “You don’t agree?”

His face lightened. “Oh, I agree, I’ve just never thought of it like that.”

Kathryn shrugged. “I’ve known the Paris family for a long time. We share a certain amount of history.”

Chakotay just nodded. “You were on one of the Admiral’s ships, weren’t you?”

“Two actually, with Owen as Captain. The Icarus when I was an ensign and the Al Batani as a lieutenant. Did you ever come across Admiral Paris at the academy?”

“No. Not that I remember.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t forget if you had. He’s a rather memorable character.”

“So that’s where Tom gets it from then.”

“Maybe. But he’s very different and I think he’ll be a better father to his child than Owen was with him.” Kathryn was quiet for a time as she mused. “I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl?”

“It’s a girl.”

“How do you know? Did B’Elanna tell you?”

“No, I just know”

“Ah, some sort of mystical Indian thing, is it?” Kathryn turned towards him and smiled.

Chakotay just shrugged. “I’ve always been good at guessing.”

Kathryn closed her eyes and tamped down the pang of regret that always visited her when she thought of B’Elanna’s pregnancy and the impending birth. She hated that her body betrayed her like this, and she knew it was merely a natural maternal yearning, but she’d hoped that she would move through this phase quickly and be able to get on with her life. Knowing that she would have to spend her life alone was bitter enough pill to swallow; the certainty that she would never have children merely added a jagged edge to that bitterness.

She was truly happy for B’Elanna and Tom, and was excited about the arrival of their new crewmember and those who would follow. It was only that she was sometimes overwhelmed with regret and the knowledge that children would never be a part of her life. Time was quickly running out and with no hope of a way home on the horizon, she didn’t see that there was any possibility. It was sad, but her fault entirely that they were here, therefore it was her sacrifice to make.

“Do you want them, Kathryn?”

“I beg your pardon. Tom and B’Elanna? Well, I don’t know what we’d do with them if we didn’t keep them – if that’s an appropriate answer.” She knew what he meant, but was being deliberately obtuse. Turning towards him, she smiled. The levity took some of the sting away but not for long.

Chakotay laughed and turned towards her. “No. I mean children. Having a baby…”

_“No!”_ Kathryn snapped. Maybe he could read her mind after all. There’d always been something ‘shamanesque’ about her first officer. “I mean, no, I don’t want them.”

He didn’t take his eyes off her. “Really? I’m surprised, I thought you did. I know I do.”

That painful clench happened again, gripping her from her throat to her belly and Kathryn could barely speak. That was another reason why they couldn’t be together. Kathryn took a long drink of the Belormie ale to try to clear her throat. Chakotay deserved to have a family and as close to a normal life as possible out here. He certainly wouldn’t have one if he were with her. “That was a long time ago, but you should, Chakotay – have a family and a life.”

“I would, but the woman that I want to share my life with is otherwise engaged at the moment. Besides, there’s plenty of time.”

Kathryn swung around and glared at him. “No there’s not, Chakotay. Please don’t do this. I can’t be responsible for your future as well as everyone else’s. The load is just too great.”

He reached across and took her hand. “It’s not your burden to bear, Kathryn. It’s mine and I’m happy to continue bearing it. As long as you’re happy and content, I am too.”

“Rubbish!” She snatched her hand away.

“I beg your pardon.”

“You heard me, that’s a load of rubbish. You’re no happier than I am; you just hide it better. Like me, you’d give anything to throw protocol out an airlock, tumble into bed together, and forget all about the responsibility of Voyager and our mission.”

“Yes, I would.” He didn’t even have the good grace to hesitate with his answer.

Kathryn pointed at him. “See. I knew.”

He was trying not to smile. “It’s hardly a secret, Kathryn, but I know, as things stand, it’s not an option so I’m content to continue with our relationship as it is. I love you and it’s enough for now.”

_“Don’t do that!_ You leave me no place to go when you do that. I finish up looking like a callous and uncaring bitch when I say no to a relationship… and I don’t want to be like that.”

He stroked the back of his fingers down her arm and watched her shiver. “Then don’t. I’ll take the responsibility. You can trust me, you know that.”

“Of course I know that. I trust you with my life.” She turned towards him again and her voice came in a husky whisper, “and I trust you with my heart. It’s not you; it’s me I don’t trust.” She pressed her clenched fist between her breasts. “Me and my heart. It betrays me every time. It makes me weak and vulnerable and I hate that.”

“Sweetheart, you’re wrong.”

“How do you figure that?” She was finding herself a little out of her depth here. Anger was her best weapon but he was being so damned nice that it was difficult to maintain the rage, and if he called her ‘sweetheart’ again, she wasn’t going to be responsible for her actions.

“Love can only make you strong, Kathryn.”

She almost choked on her drink. “That sounds like something you’d find in a fortune cookie.” She was trying desperately to hang onto the anger, but now it all started to seem ridiculous and she was having trouble not laughing. She had a feeling that the alcohol wasn’t helping.

Chakotay’s mouth had even twisted into a half smile, but he wasn’t going to rise to the bait. “It’s denying it that makes you weak. If you accept your feelings for what they are, they can’t hurt you; they can only nurture you and give you strength. You should try it.”

Kathryn’s heart was hammering in her chest. He just didn’t understand. “I can’t. I can’t mete it out in small increments like that. You know what I’m like. It’s all or nothing and I’m not as strong as you think where my heart is concerned.” She was looking up at the sky again, her face turned away from his. This conversation was one that was long overdue, but she wasn’t really up to it at the moment. Although, she doubted she ever would be.

“Kathryn, you do what you have to do to remain strong, but remember I will always love you and if you need that strength, I’m always here for you.” He stood, then leant over and kissed her head. “I’m going to bed. We’ll need to be up early tomorrow for the transfer of goods. Sleep well.”

Kathryn turned to watch him go and muttered a quiet, “Good night.” then turned back to the stars and whispered, “I love you too” to the silence.


	7. Chapter 7

Kathryn sat in quiet reflection for a few moments before she took another pull of her beer and sighed. Well, that had achieved absolutely nothing. They were no closer to a resolution than they had been yesterday, last week or last year, for that matter. What she couldn’t understand was why this was happening now. They’d been working and living together for almost seven years and although they’d had their moments, it had never been as painful or emotionally fraught as it was right now.

She knew there were reasons. Her age was one. It had never been a consideration before, but with all the relationships blooming onboard Voyager and new families forming, it was a constant reminder of what she, as captain, couldn’t have. Add to that the fact that the Doctor had informed her that there were three other pregnancies on the ship, and before long there would be babies all over the place; it was another cruel wakeup call.

For Kathryn, that particular phase of her life was coming to a close; in all likelihood, having a child was something she would never experience. She admonished herself for thinking of motherhood as though it were some sort of required milestone for successful womanhood, she knew better than that, but it was something that she’d always imagined would be a part of her life. What little girl doesn’t think that she’ll grow up, meet her knight in shining armour, and live happily ever after?

She’d arrogantly expected to have it all, assuming that by her age she’d have a husband, a family, a career, not to mention a full and productive life in the Alpha Quadrant. Assumption could be a right bitch sometimes, and she’d learned the hard way that one should never take life and its gifts for granted.

When she was younger, she’d assumed many things, and that, it seemed, was the perfect recipe for a slap in the face. Instead of her fairytale existence, what she’d finished up with was something vastly and terrifyingly different. Soul shattering responsibility, mind numbing guilt, heart-rending loneliness and one thing that she’d never imagined in her wildest dreams – living most of her adult life tens of thousands of light years from home, in the goddamned Delta Quadrant.

When she thought about it like that, it made her want to scream. She was going to grow old out here, captaining Voyager until she was too feeble and senile to be of any use, and then die a lonely old woman holed up in her quarters. The hand that held her drink shook with the realisation, and she stared at it. The indicators were there already. Her hands were not the hands of a young woman anymore. They had lines and wrinkles that she recognised from her mother’s hands. Time was marching inexorably onward and if she didn’t do something about it now, it would trample her along the way. What was the point of it all if she couldn’t share her life with someone she loved? She didn’t want to die alone or have people’s last memories of her to be that of a pitiful, lonely old woman. They were a ‘type’ and she’d seen many of them in Starfleet over the years – both men and women – married to their careers, until they were put out to pasture, only to be forgotten as quickly as their names were removed from their office doors.

That wasn’t a life; it was merely existence and a meagre one at that. She was entitled to more than that and so was Chakotay. He didn’t deserve to sit around waiting for her to decide when the time was right for them to have a life together. There was no guarantee that they would both make it home. There was no guarantee that they would both make it past next week. What did it serve for them to wait for some intangible moment when she thought it was fitting for them to be together?

Nothing.

How many times had they wended their way to this point only for her to say no, quote protocol, and then dump them back at square one? Q, of all people, had read her needs all too clearly those many years ago. He’d known that she was desperately lonely and desirous of a family and he’d thrown temptation in her way by offering to father her child. The need was strong, and although it had been out of the question, she’d seriously contemplated it for a nano-second, knowing that it might be her only chance. Now, she faced a similar dilemma although this time it was with someone she loved, and love him she did, dearly, but it could very well be her final chance for true happiness.

Chakotay, for all his promises and assertions, might not wait forever; it was selfish of her to assume that he would, and foolish of her to make them wait. They both wanted the same things, they wanted each other, and they loved one another. What better basis for a relationship was there? They’d been commanding Voyager as a team for nearly seven years, through all manner of near death and disaster. They’d proved their mettle; it was time for them to prove their love.

Kathryn placed her drink on the table and took one last look at the starlit sky and the small dot that was Voyager, travelling across the dark night’s canvas.

There was no time like the present. Having him by her side over the last few days, behaving as her life partner, hadn’t interfered with their work, in fact, it had enhanced it. How could it be wrong?

Kathryn stood and tiptoed back into the room. She could see him lying on the couch, snoring softly, with his feet dangling over the end of the settee and his arm flung over his eyes. She slipped into the bathroom, cleaned her teeth, and readied herself for her future.

A shiver ran down her spine as she contemplated her face in the mirror. She’d washed off what little makeup she’d been wearing and leaning in close to her reflection, she studied the familiar face. Looking at herself with a critical eye, she saw the lines and the wrinkles but, as she thought about what lay ahead of her, her face softened and she smiled. The harsh turn of her mouth vanished and the cold look of loneliness faded from her eyes. She was still wearing the filmy dress and virtually nonexistent underwear, but she’d slipped off her shoes; spinning on her heel, she padded softly back out into the living area.

It seemed a shame to wake him but, she thought with a smile, he probably wouldn’t mind under the circumstances. Kneeling on the floor beside the couch, she watched him sleep for a few moments, and then very gently lifted his arm from his face so she could see him properly. He didn’t wake, but rolled over towards her.

Tilting her head to the side, she contemplated his handsome and much loved face. When she thought of him, her inventory usually started with the ebony lines of his tattoo, but tonight instead, she started with his chin and worked her way upwards. Firstly, she took note of the small cleft in his chin and his strong jaw. His lips featured prominently in her fantasies, well defined and sculpted by the gods. She couldn’t wait to feel them on her bare skin and trembled at the thought. Then there was his slightly crooked nose, which leant such character and strength to his gentle face. His eyes were closed but his lashes contrasted darkly against his honey coloured skin. His broad forehead, marked so distinctly by the lines of his exotic tattoo, spoke of wisdom and intelligence. Kathryn’s hand rose and, with feather light touches, she traced the lines that flowed across his brow. They reminded her of the wings of a bird – she knew it so well that she could almost trace it with her eyes closed. So engrossed was she with her explorations, she didn’t notice his eyes open until he whispered. “Kathryn?”

Her hand stilled but she didn’t snatch it away, instead she rested her palm against the side of his face.

“Chakotay.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

“What are you doing?”

Her fingers drifted over his cheek, across his lips, and she could feel his hot breath caress her fingertips. Bringing them to her mouth, she kissed them and then placed them back on his lips again. Their first kiss.

His eyes were fathomless, and glinting darkly in the soft glow of the starlit night. Her hand drifted lower and she placed it over his heart in that familiar gesture they’d shared for years. They were both barely breathing; time seemed to stand still until her words whispered loud into the night. “I love you.”

She felt his body tense and then he breathed a sigh, his hand rising to cover hers on his chest. “I know. I love you too.”

Kathryn blinked slowly. “I want to say I’m sorry but I don’t want this part of our relationship to begin with an apology.”

His hand twisted around and he wove his fingers through hers, still holding it against his chest. “Kathryn, you have nothing to be sorry about.” He wriggled back on the couch and tugged at her arm. “Come here.”

Kathryn climbed up onto the couch beside him and he held her, spooned, in front of him. His breath feathered across her neck as he spoke. “Why? Why now, after all these years?”

Kathryn shrugged. It was easier than she’d imagined, speaking of her feelings. Perhaps it was that they were facing away from one another, cocooned in the dark, but the words fell from her lips with ease. “I don’t really know. I guess the love has always been there, but it had become such a part of me, I’d forgotten. Then the other night, you did that ridiculous stunt with the cup of tea, and it all surged to the surface again.

“I wondered about that.”

“Perhaps it was just the right time and anything would have triggered the change, but I couldn’t control my reaction. That’s why I ran away. It was either retreat or throw myself into your arms.”

She felt his intake of breath as he prepared say something, but she spoke first.

“Yes, I know, in hindsight the latter might have been the best course of action but, at the time, I didn’t know if you still loved me. I thought we’d moved past all these feelings and urges.”

Kathryn could feel his lips press into her hair and she pushed her bottom back against him.

He chuckled, “Oh, those urges,” and she felt his laugh rumble through his chest and then the burgeoning hardness and heat of his arousal press into her buttocks.

She couldn’t help smiling. It was good to know that she could still elicit that sort of response from him. “Ah, yes, those.” Flipping over so she could look at him, she touched the side of his face and snuggled into his embrace. “I thought I’d sublimated them long ago but it turns out they were just hiding, ready to pounce when I least expected it. You know, it only occurred to me tonight that my coffee consumption was inversely proportional to my sexual activity. Every time I thought about sex, I’d have a cup of coffee instead. Look where that led.”

“Caffeine addiction?” He suggested helpfully.

She grinned. “Yes, quite possibly. You may have noticed that each time you entered the ready room, I’d head for the replicator. You’re a difficult man to get out of one’s system.”

“A bit like caffeine?”

“Maybe, but you’re so much better for me.”

They were quiet for a time, letting the emotions settle around them and allowing themselves to grow accustomed to the feel of each other. They were very calm, which in a way felt strange. She’d always imagined that, when the moment came, their coming together would be a conflagration. With all that deeply buried desire and need, bursting forth in a rampage of lust and longing, but it wasn’t like that at all. It was gentle, comforting and oh, so right.

She was musing quietly to herself, thinking that she would almost be content to fall asleep in his arms when she made the wonderful mistake of looking up into his eyes. A fire so hot and so fierce lighted those dark windows to his soul that a bolt of raw need plunged through her and straight to her groin. So intense was the feeling that it was almost painful and she could feel the heat and moisture of her own desire surge. It took her so completely by surprise that she made a small whimpering noise and before she knew what was happening, Chakotay’s lips had captured hers in a bruising kiss.

That calm and control that she’d found so comforting gave way to a raging need and wellspring of want. He was lying over her, pressing her into the soft cushioning of the couch, his erection grinding against her sex, his hips cradled between her thighs. It was heaven. She hadn’t realised just how much larger his body was, compared to hers, but his broad chest completely covered hers and his arms engulfed her. There was the wonderful sense of surrender, tempered with a touch of fear at the size and strength of him. If he were to decide to take her, she could do nothing to stop him, but she knew that with a single word, he would pull away and leave her alone. Her heart swelled at the knowledge of the power they both wielded over one another. Even in this new dimension of their relationship, it mirrored what they had been to each other over the last seven years. They were equals. Equal in love and life. Each other’s foil and champion.

His lips were dragging down her throat and over her chest. The filmy fabric of the dress wasn’t going to survive long at this rate, so she pushed him away from her for a moment. Then she remembered the bed. “Instead of risking life and limb on this narrow couch, how about we head for that island nation of a bed?”

He grinned down at her. “You’re the Captain.”

She smiled up at him. “No, with you I’m just Kathryn, but I think we’ll be more comfortable there.”

Chakotay stared at her for several heartbeats and then kissed her gently and stated profoundly. “You’re my heart.” Before she could respond, he stood and scooped her off the couch as if she weighed nothing. He carried her into the bedroom, placed her on the bed, and pulled off his shirt before lying down next to her.

Kathryn clambered to her knees and turned her back to him. “Would you mind?”

“Ummm, no.” He laughed, kneeling behind her. Kathryn peered over her shoulder and gave him a sly grin.

His eyes sparked as he slowly and deliberately began undoing the clasps on her dress, kissing each delicious morsel of skin as it was revealed. Kathryn shivered.

Once they were open, he ran his finger from the back of her neck, down her spine between the folds of loose fabric to the top of her panties. He followed with his tongue, leaving a narrow wet trail down her back and watched with delight as her skin trembled and pimpled like goose flesh at his touch.

Turning back towards him, her eyes dark with want, Kathryn let the thin straps slip over her shoulders. The dress slithered down her body and pooled at her knees. Her nipples strained towards him in the cool night air and Chakotay lifted his hand and ran the back of his fingers over the puckered nubs. She lowered her eyes and watched as they pebbled even more at his touch.

Kathryn’s gaze refocussed and travelled down the length of his body. Her body thrummed and she could feel the heat in her own groin as she fixed her eyes on his tented pants. Oh God, she wanted to see him and she reached out to stroke him.

There was nothing shy or tentative about her touch. Without hesitation, she wrapped her hand around his fabric-clad erection, feeling the delectable length of him and the weighty solidness making him groan as her tongue involuntarily darted out to lick her lips. He pulsed in her hand and she looked up to see his dark eyes, narrowed with the effort of maintaining control. Grabbing her wrist, he held her hand hard against him, taking several deep shuddering breaths. After a moment, his look lightened and he spoke quietly. “You drive me insane, you know.”

Nodding, she took his hand and held it against her mound. “No more than you do to me.” He cupped her firmly, her hand pushing his hard against her as he pressed his fingers into her heat. Her flimsy panties were unable to hide the ample moisture pooling there, and he briefly slid one finger past the fabric barrier to the damp folds beyond, then pressed against her again.

She melted back onto the bed as he continued his slow and steady torture. A firm hand cupped her breast, fingers pinching gently at her nipples as his other hand skimmed over her body. A warm mouth descended onto her other breast and she arched up off the bed. With her skin on fire, Kathryn writhed under his hands and mouth. Her panties had disappeared, snatched from her body by his loving hand and now lay in a tattered pile on the floor. That same hand was now pressed against her, cupping her mound, the heel of his hand grinding exquisitely against her clitoris as his mouth suckled at her nipples and the sensitive skin beneath them.

Overwhelmed by sensations, she didn’t know where to go or what to do. Her body was a mass of heated and overstimulated nerve endings, all firing simultaneously, targeting her groin, her lower belly, and her breasts. Kathryn could feel the rhythmic internal pulses of her impending orgasm. She was about to tip over the edge in what was going to be a loud and violent climax. Suddenly the hands and lips were gone and she opened her eyes. They darted around the room finally finding him standing by the side of the bed, pulling off the rest of his clothes and gazing at her naked body. His eyes scoured her form, and she slowly lifted her legs and parted them in readiness. Kathryn could see his erection twitch and throb, the head glistening with moisture.

He moved towards her and she thought he was going to lie over her, but instead he dropped down, his lips covering her folds in an open-mouthed kiss. His tongue darted in and around her opening. She heard a keening noise and it took her a few seconds to realise it was her. Never in her life had she made such a sound. She laughed and then cried out as his tongue drilled into her clit and with arms flailing, she tried to hold onto her sanity and reality. It was a battle she knew she was going to lose. As she felt herself begin to tip over the edge, he lifted his face away from her and as she arched up off the bed, he pulled her legs wide and plunged into her, deep and sure. She screamed and the world disintegrated into a hail of bright lights and pulsing spasms.

After what seemed like an eternity, reality shifted and she felt him thrusting into her, each time sliding deeper than before. He kept her riding the wave of her climax, her body gripping his until she thought she might die from the exquisite pleasure of it. Finally, the tension began to leave her body and the world came into focus again, only to be shattered once more as Chakotay plunged forcefully and with a roar, hunched his body over hers and filling her. Her inner muscles undulated rhythmically in counterpoint to his pulsing thrusts, milking him until he was spent. His mouth descended and captured her lips in a warm wet kiss and she moaned into his mouth, her body filled and sated. Her hands stroked over his body, damp and clammy after such exertion and she kissed at his shoulder, tasting the salt on his rapidly cooling skin.

He slipped from her body and she sighed, then tucked herself under his arm and cuddled up beside him. With his arm draped comfortingly around her, her eyes fluttered shut and she felt him kiss her forehead. His other hand was resting on her breast, absentmindedly stroking the soft flesh as he hummed quietly. The rich sound of his voice and the steady drum beat of his heart sounded in Kathryn’s ear where she rested against his chest. His hand left her breast and in long soothing strokes drifted over her belly and her hip and back up to her breasts. He leant forward and kissed the sensitive peaks, blowing on them until they puckered to hard-pebbled tips that he kissed and nuzzled.

A vision flashed behind her closed eyes of a golden-skinned baby, with eyes as black as coal nestled against her breast. The picture evoked in her a wonderful sense of fulfilment and love. Her eyes opened to find those same eyes looking down at her. He smiled. “I love you, Kathryn Janeway, with all that I am.” With that declaration, he leant down and kissed between her breasts where her heart beat in a pounding rhythm of love and desire.

Kathryn smiled at him with tears in her eyes. “I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.”

He continued to stroke her, and her body relaxed. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t keep sleep at bay and in that strange nether world between wake and sleep, she felt her body grow heavy; before she could stop herself, she slipped from the waking world to that of dreams.

Kathryn’s eyes fluttered open several hours later. It was still dark outside and a balmy breeze was gusting through the tall windows that led out into the garden. The filmy white curtains billowed like silver ghosts in the reflected light of the stars and shadows danced across the walls and ceiling. Chakotay was asleep beside her, his chest rising and falling in the slow steady inhale and exhale of deep sleep. His arm was tucked securely around her shoulder and his leg was draped over hers, keeping her close, their bodies aligned even in sleep. She smiled as she studied his beloved profile. The last twenty-four hours had been filled with that, and it delighted her to think that she had years of perusal ahead of her. She could watch him to her heart’s content. It was something of which she would never tire. He snuffled, tugging her closer, and then rolled towards her in his sleep.

Kathryn needed to use the bathroom, so she slid out from under his arm as carefully as she could without waking him. He rolled over again into the warmth she’d left behind. The sheet rode down so it now draped low over his hips, leaving his bare back exposed. He was a handsome man by any standards. Not a young man anymore, but he had the slightly weathered and worn look of years of experience. There was something sustaining and gratifying about that. He wore the look of lessons learned and life lived to the full. She wasn’t as young as she used to be either, but with him, she felt timeless. To him she was just ‘his Kathryn’ and for that, she loved him more than she could say.

After using the head, she stood by the open window and listened to the quiet sounds of the night – the soft babble of the water, the rustle of the wind through the trees, the staccato sound of insects and the quiet scuffle of small animals in the underbrush. They all blended into a perfect symphony of quiet reflection on this planet that she’d despised with such a passion when she’d first beamed here – now it had taken on an almost mystical quality. She would remember this night forever and as much as she disliked the Belormie leader and many of his entourage, she would always be grateful to them for insisting that she and Chakotay stay. It only showed that sometimes fate and small disagreeable men could be the catalyst for the greatest of changes. She heard a sound behind her and felt Chakotay’s warm arms wrap around her and his body press up against her back. “You’ll catch your death standing here naked in the wind.”

Kathryn hugged his arms to her. “I want to remember it always. This is where we began. It will always be special.”

Chakotay kissed her shoulder then rested his chin there, looking out into the night. “We began many years ago, sweetheart, but today is ours.”

Kathryn nodded. He was right of course. They’d been working their way towards this from the very first day they’d met, if not before.

If Kathryn were honest with herself, Chakotay had fascinated her from the moment she’d opened his Starfleet files. That dark brooding face, soulful eyes, and his uncompromising commitment to a cause that he believed in, had captured her imagination and her heart before she’d even met him.

Her experiences with the Cardassians had coloured her attitude; she’d never trusted them. The Federation treaty and alliance with Cardassia had been something of a dilemma for Kathryn. As hard as she’d tried to see past her prejudices, she’d known in her heart that the Cardassians were a malevolent and untrustworthy species, and that the Federation had made a mistake and sold their soul for a much desired, but subsequently, short-lived peace. It had been expedient at the time to sacrifice several small planets and their cultures to gain a greater good, but nothing good ever comes out of that sort of sacrifice.

As hard as she’d tried to toe the Starfleet line in regard to Cardassia, she couldn’t help but empathise with those who had been victim to their cruelty and despotism. Perhaps that’s why she and Chakotay had forged such an enduring bond right from the very beginning. She’d seen him as more of an ally than a foe, and from the moment they’d formed their alliance and melded their crews, they’d had that sensibility in common. There was also the often avoided and unspoken bond of love and commitment.

It had begun as a powerful sexual attraction but neither was a stranger to that sort of thing. Kathryn had easily subdued her longing, but over time, they’d developed a deep and abiding friendship, and from that had grown an equally deep and abiding love. Now, here they were, together at last. Two lonely and disparate souls who were joined to one another with bonds that were, deep, immutable and tenacious. They’d survived and they would keep on surviving, only now they had each other, forever.

Kathryn took a deep shuddering breath and turned in his arms. “I love you. Don’t ever forget that.”

Chakotay looked into her eyes. “I never will, if you promise me the same.”

The intensity left her eyes and she smiled lovingly. “Gladly.”

They stood smiling at one another for another long moment and then Chakotay kissed her nose. “Are you ready to come back to bed?”

Kathryn nodded and with her arm wrapped around his waist and his draped over her shoulders, they walked back into the bedroom, crawled under the covers and with their hearts beating as one, fell back to sleep again.


	8. Chapter 8

They awakened early the following morning with a communication from Tuvok informing them that the transfer of goods was underway and that it should be finalised within the hour. As much as they both would have loved to luxuriate in bed for the rest of the morning, duty called, so they showered and dressed.

The footman stationed outside their door escorted them to the Belormie leader’s chambers where he met them, still in his dressing gown, in an excessively jovial mood.

“Kathryn, Kathryn, you look radiant this morning.” He took Kathryn’s hands in his and kissed them. He nodded towards Chakotay with a lecherous glint in his eye, still holding Kathryn’s hands in his meaty paws. “Having you here, Commander, has certainly made every difference to your Captain’s demeanour.”

Kathryn gritted her teeth and smiled, while Chakotay’s eyes narrowed.

In a steady voice, she addressed Zymos. “I think you will find, Ghalor, as much as I appreciate the Commander’s presence, that it is your beautiful planet and generosity that have brought a smile to my face. Have the items from Voyager been transferred yet?” Kathryn segued into a less troublesome subject. “We have had word that the transfer of supplies from Belorm is almost complete.”

“Yes, yes, the goods have arrived and my auditors are going through them now. We are very pleased.”

“Ghalor, I would like to thank you for your co-operation and assistance. Voyager and her crew are very grateful and we will long remember our stay here.” Kathryn slid her hands from the Belormie leader’s grasp and stepped back to Chakotay’s side.

With his scowl in place, Chakotay shook the Belormie leader’s hand firmly and nodded. “Ghalor Zymos, it has been a pleasure meeting you and your wife.” Chakotay’s eyes met the lady in question over Zymos’s head. She smiled at Chakotay before her eyes narrowed and she looked at Kathryn.

Tucking her hand into the crook of Chakotay’s arm, Kathryn nodded her head towards the Ghalor’s wife. “Madam Ghalor, it has been a pleasure and thank you for your most generous hospitality.”

Kathryn’s combadge chirped. _“Tuvok to Janeway.”_

“Go ahead, Tuvok.”

_“Captain, the transfer of supplies is complete.”_

“Thank you, Tuvok.” She turned to her hosts. “As you have heard, the supplies are on board and we must, with much regret, continue on our way. Thank you again, Ghalor Zymos.”

“My pleasure, Kathryn. I hope your journey is safe and if you are ever in this part of the galaxy again, you must come and visit.”

Kathryn smiled. “Thank you.”

Both she and Chakotay took a few steps back and Kathryn tapped her combadge. “Voyager, two to beam up. Energise.”

Belorm and its leader faded from view and the comforting grey walls of the transporter room materialised around them. Kathryn heaved a sigh and turned to Chakotay. “It’s good to be home.”

He smiled in return and nodded to the Transporter technician as they stepped down from the platform and headed out the door. Speaking so only Kathryn could hear, he whispered. “It wasn’t all bad.”

She shot him a sideways glance, her mouth twisting into a smile. “Hmmm, yes, I’ll concede there were more than a few memorable moments.” Without thinking about what she was doing, she tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow. Chakotay looked down at her questioningly. Kathryn shrugged, but kept her hand securely tucked into his arm, as they made their way to the Bridge.

Stepping into the turbo lift, Kathryn extricated her hand and turned to him. “We need to talk about how we’re going to handle this.”

Chakotay looked at her warily. “If by ‘this’ you mean you and me and our relationship, I don’t know if there is anything that we need to ‘handle’.”

Kathryn frowned and bit back a sharp retort. “I’m only concerned for the crew and what they might think.”

Chakotay shrugged. “How about we not worry about it for now? Let’s behave as we always do. The crew know that we hold a deep affection for one another, that’s no secret. To be honest, I doubt they’ll notice anything is different. Just be yourself, Kathryn…” She opened her mouth to argue, but he continued, “and I promise not to kiss you on the bridge.”

Her jaw dropped, but when she saw the twinkle in his eye, her face softened into a gentle smile. “I’m overanalysing again, aren’t I?”

Chakotay nodded. “Perhaps a little. Relax, Kathryn. We haven’t done anything to be ashamed of, and certainly nothing wrong as far as the crew is concerned. If they figure it out, they’ll only be happy for us, I guarantee it.”

She nudged him with her elbow. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

“Holding is good.” His face broke into a wide dimpled grin.

Shaking her head, Kathryn rolled her eyes and smiling, they both exited the lift onto the Bridge.

“Welcome back, Captain, Commander. How was the ‘knees-up’ last night?” Tom swung around from the conn.

“Mr Paris, good morning. The formal celebration was ‘interesting’ and informative.”

“So, mind-numbingly boring, as usual.”

Kathryn gave him a small smile. “Not entirely, but let’s just say it’s good to be home. Set a course for home, Tom. Let’s get back on the road.”

“Course laid in, Captain.”

“Engage.”

The subtle rumble of the engines thrummed through the deck plating and Kathryn felt that slight press as the inertial dampers came on line. Taking a deep breath, she felt her ship come to life as Belorm slid out of view on the forward screen and open space beckoned. Glancing to her left, she watched as Chakotay scrolled through the information on the central console then looked up and smiled, giving her a nod. Voyager was in good order. The cargo bay was bursting at the seams with supplies, the crew and ship were safe, and Kathryn had her love by her side. It couldn’t get much better than this.

Pushing back into her seat with a contented sigh, she slid her hands along the armrests, and smiled as Voyager shot forward towards the Alpha Quadrant. She was happier than she’d been for many years.


	9. Chapter 9

Life returned to normal aboard Voyager. Kathryn and Chakotay’s relationship sailed along, virtually unnoticed by the crew. Initially, there had been the odd whisper here and there, but they soon stopped and everyone seemed to accept the new dynamic without any fuss, much as they’d accepted all the other changes they’d had to deal with over their years in the Delta Quadrant. Kathryn was vigilant at first, but there didn’t appear to be any negative repercussions, so after some reticence on her part, she relaxed into her and Chakotay’s new arrangement.

He moved into her quarters and Tom and B’Elanna took over Chakotay’s old quarters to make ready for the arrival of their baby.

Several weeks after leaving Belorm, they crossed the borders of the Kinori Sovereignty. They were met by a vessel of overtly friendly Kinorins who welcomed them with open arms. The Kinorins had never encountered visitors from another quadrant before, and the stories of Voyager’s travels so enthralled them that they were more than amenable to allow her to traverse their space and in turn become part of Voyager’s saga.

The Kinorin Sovereignty was a vast region, some two thousand light years across, incorporating a variety of cultures and species that all seemed to coexist in surprising harmony. The Kinorin Ambassador assured Kathryn that their space was virtually free of danger and that they would be able to travel, unhindered, from one side to the other with the Kinorin ruling authority’s blessings. It seemed almost too good to be true.

Technologically the Kinorins were an advanced culture, on par with the Federation, warp capable, with other, more advanced technologies as well.

It would take Voyager close to two years to navigate the breadth of the Kinorin Sovereignty and the thought of two whole years traversing friendly space brought a smile to the face of even the dourest of Voyager’s crew. Kathryn could have sworn she saw Tuvok stifle a look of relief. The last few years had been particularly hard and, to Kathryn’s way of thinking; they were well and truly due a break.

Kathryn almost kissed the Kinori Ambassador when he invited them to make use of the network of Space stations that dotted their territory. He’d even had one of his navigators map out the most efficient route through the Sovereignty with allotted monthly stopovers at the relevant Space stations to take on supplies and see to any maintenance that Voyager might require. B’Elanna was in raptures and Kathryn had a difficult time containing her own excitement.

The negotiations with the Kinori were simple and straightforward, and after going over the logistics with the senior staff, she sat down with Chakotay to get his impression of the situation. They’d been stung many times before and were understandably wary, and she needed Chakotay’s unique perspective.

“Is this too good to be true?”

Chakotay found it difficult not to smile at their good fortune but they’d been down this road more than once, so a degree of circumspection was prudent. “It looks to be on the up and up. We haven’t seen anything that suggests that the Kinori are anything other than what they appear. What’s your impression? You’ve always had a good nose for dirty pool.”

Kathryn shrugged. “You know, this time, I’m reservedly confident.”

“That’s not bad, considering. If nothing else we’re streetwise these days, so I’m willing to take the Kinori at face value. They’ve had plenty of opportunities to do their worst and I haven’t seen anything that would indicate that they’re not sincere in their offer to help us, but I think we need to stay alert, at least for the time being.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Kathryn plonked her feet on the coffee table. “Well, it looks like we’ve got a two year vacation coming up.”

Chakotay chuckled. “Hardly a vacation, Kathryn, but at least we don’t have to worry about anything too grisly jumping out from behind the next nebula trying to annihilate us. I agree, it’ll be good to relax a little.”

Kathryn stood and headed to the replicator. “Coffee?”

Chakotay nodded. “Please.”

Kathryn ordered their drinks and they sat together on the couch again. Lifting her mug, she tapped it against the side of his. “Here’s to smooth sailing.”

He smiled and let his hand drop over her shoulder as she settled back against him then kissed her head. “It does me good to see you happy; meeting the Kinorins couldn’t have come at a better time. B’Elanna is due shortly and so are Ensign Harper and Crewman Dorado. Macormak and Lang still have a couple of months to go, but by the time we exit Kinori space, we’re going to be well and truly a generational ship. Once the crew are aware of the situation, I imagine we’ll be seeing more marriages and pregnancies over the next year or so.”

Kathryn blew out a breath. “Are you trying to scare me? Because it’s working.” She tried to smile, but all jokes aside, the weight of responsibility began to weigh heavily. Children and families. This was something that she’d known was going to happen, even though the concept had been academic up until now. How could she expect one hundred and forty men and women, destined to live out their lives here in the Delta Quadrant, to remain single and childless for their entire existence? The answer was, they couldn’t, nor should they. Eventually, they were bound to establish relationships and want to have families and all the things that ‘normal’ people took for granted. Besides, it wasn’t as if it was unheard of. The Federation had been sending out starships with families on board for many years, although none of them was in quite the same predicament as Voyager.

Chakotay’s hand slowly stroked her upper arm, in an effort to soothe her. She appreciated his gentle understanding, and that he was willing to let her mull over the pros and cons in her own mind without plying her with empty, but well-meaning, platitudes. They would just have to take it in their stride.

Chakotay had been making a determined effort to carry more of the load, but Kathryn knew, in the end, the responsibility rested squarely on her shoulders. It was going to take some getting used to, but she _would_ get used to it … they _all_ would, and in the end, Voyager would thrive and flourish. If she looked at it from a practical viewpoint, they needed to reproduce so they would have trained crew to take their places when they became too decrepit to run the ship… it was a daunting prospect, but in its own way, it was exciting and a new chapter in Voyager’s chequered history.

Placing her hand over Chakotay’s where it rested on her upper arm, she gave it a squeeze and looked towards him, smiling. “We’ll do it. I know we will, and we’ll do it well. I suppose we should speak to the Doctor about plans for a nursery and look at organising crewmembers to take shifts there when the time comes. It’s going to take some imaginative juggling of the rosters on your part. Lucky you.” She gave him a crooked grin, and nudged him with her knee.

“Thanks so much.” He placed his empty cup on the table. “Should we go and see the good doctor now, while we’re both fortified with caffeine?”

Kathryn stood and held out her hand. “We may as well get it over with. It’ll keep him occupied for the next few weeks, and keep him off my back, which is always useful.”

Chakotay took her hand and she tugged him up from the couch.

Giving her hand a quick kiss before he let go, together, they left the ready room.

“Tuvok, we’ll be on deck five.” Tuvok was sitting in the command chair and stood as she and Chakotay walked across the upper deck and stepped into the turbo lift.


	10. Chapter 10

Within moments, they were walking through the doors of sickbay.

“Please state the nature of the medical emergency?” The doctor materialised and spun around. “Ahhh, Captain. You must have got my thought message. I was just about to send you a reminder about your annual physical. You’re several weeks overdue.”

Kathryn looked sideways at Chakotay, who held his arms up in denial. “I had nothing to do with this. Honest.”

Kathryn heaved a sigh as the doctor approached her, waving a medical tricorder.

“Doctor, can’t we leave this until later? I have something important that I wish to discuss with you.”

“You can discuss while I scan. Two birds with one stone, as they say.”

Chakotay had to bite his lip to stop himself laughing. The indignant look on Kathryn’s face was priceless… the things you see when you don’t have a holoimager handy. She glared at him, but lifted her arms so the Doctor could access ‘all’ of her.

The scowling medic began at the top of her head, and hummed and hawed as he swept the scanner over the back of her head and shoulders. Moving to her front, he scanned across her forehead, her eyes, nose, and ears and then muttered. “Open wide.” Kathryn grudgingly opened her mouth. The Doctor harrumphed, and she snapped her mouth shut again as the medic continued downwards.

With ill-concealed irritation, Kathryn addressed the EMH. “Doctor, the Commander and I want to talk to you about organising nursery facilities for the babies that are going to be joining us over the coming months. There are four due within the next five months and now that we’re within the safe borders of Kinorin space, I’m expecting…”

“Yes, you are, Captain.”

“Yes, I’m expecting there to be news of several more pregnancies and perhaps births before the year is out.”

“Yes, there will definitely be one in about six and a half months, but I’ll have to confirm that with a deeper scan.”

Kathryn frowned at his cryptic remark, but kept talking. “I think you’ll find Doctor, that we are going to need the facilities sooner than that. B’Elanna is due in a matter of weeks, not months.”

“Thank you, Captain for the update on my patient, but I was not talking about B’Elanna.”

“Yes, I know there are others due in the next several months, but I need you to understand that we don’t have a great deal of time to organise this, we have only a matter of weeks.”

“I am well aware of that, Captain, and I will have everything arranged well in advance. You, on the other hand, have some rather drastic reorganising to do.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes at Chakotay, and then frowned. He was wearing a rather startled expression; ‘a deer caught in the headlights’ came to mind. She had no idea what was wrong with him and with a shake of her head, she turned back to the doctor. “I know the drill, Doctor. I’ll cut down on my coffee intake; I’ll try to sleep more, exercise daily, and eat better.”

“All admirable pursuits, Captain, but you are going to have to take even better care of yourself over the next few months if you want to go to term and deliver safely. I’ll write you out a regime for regular rest and exercise, and I will also arrange for Neelix to put your name on the list for extra rations and nutritional supplements.”

“You don’t have to write me out a regime, Doctor, I’m quite capable…”

Chakotay staggered slightly and groped at the edge of the biobed. “Kathryn…” His voice, a strained whisper.

She stared at his pale shocked face and leapt forward, grabbing him and looking worriedly towards the doctor. “Help him, Doctor, there’s something wrong with him.”

The EMH gave Kathryn an impatient look. “The Commander is fine. It’s surprising how often this happens to fathers-to-be. I gather he wasn’t expecting the news.”

“I beg your pardon!? Father-to-be…?” She stared at Chakotay, taking a couple of slow blinks before realisation dawned. Swinging around, Kathryn glared at the EMH. “Doctor!?”

“Captain.” He was looking very pleased with himself but under Kathryn’s withering glare, his supercilious smirk faded and an almost pained look took its place. “What would you like to know?”

“Start at the beginning, I seem to have lost the thread of this conversation…somewhere.” Then she turned to Chakotay. “And for God’s sake Chakotay, sit down before you fall down.”

Chakotay shook himself out of his stupor at her sharp words and studied her more closely. It was an impressive display, anger hiding fear, but he could tell she was rattled. Her hands were shaking although she was putting on an admirable show for the Doctor.

As ordered, the EMH started again. “Captain, you are approximately two and a half months pregnant with the Commander’s child. I take it that neither of you were expecting this news? You haven’t been trying to get pregnant?”

“No and no.” The words were clipped but succinct.

“Ahhh, well, it seems to have happened anyway and … you are the mother of a slightly small, but healthy ten week old foetus.” Kathryn felt the blood drain from her face and her eyes darted back and forth between the Doctor and Chakotay, waiting for one of them to laugh and tell her this was a poorly timed and elaborate joke.

The Doctor waved the scanner in her direction again and was rewarded with another fiery scowl for his trouble. He stepped back, snapping his tricorder shut. “Commander, I think it is time for you to step in here. I need to log this information in my office. Call if you need me.” The Doctor beat a hasty retreat.

Kathryn and Chakotay stood staring at one another for several mind-numbing moments.

Kathryn swallowed. “Say something, please.”

“I’m overjoyed. Surprised, probably doesn’t quite cover it, but… it’s wonderful.”

Kathryn closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them again. “Is it?”

Chakotay had gathered his wits now and took a step towards her. Her body was rigid and, although she was maintaining a commendable façade of control, he could see the fear in her eyes. He wasn’t sure what she was afraid of – whether it was his reaction, the crew’s, or merely the entire concept of pregnancy and motherhood, but he needed to reassure her. “For me, it is. This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. It’s something that I’ve always wanted. You know that.” He took her hands in his, brought them to his lips, and kissed them. “Kathryn, you’ll be a wonderful mother. I know you said that you didn’t want children, but I think, perhaps that deep down…” He laid his hand gently on her belly where, unbeknownst to them, for the past ten weeks, their baby had been growing.

Kathryn steadied her breathing and tried to let the information settle somewhere other than in the realm of disbelief. She was going to have a baby. _They_ were going to have a baby – she and Chakotay were going to be parents. It was like waking up in some sort of bizarre fantasy. She resisted the urge to pinch herself, but the prickle of tears was harder to ignore. She stared down at her abdomen…

As Voyager’s Captain, she’d delegated her desire for children to the ‘can’t have’ basket, and although the yearning struck her painfully at times, she’d spent a good deal of energy coming to terms with the reality of her situation and the myriad of reasons why she could never be a mother. When her relationship with Chakotay had begun, her maternal urges had come to the fore again and she’d battled hard to suppress them. The inner conflict had been cruel, but she wasn’t a young woman anymore and time was not on her side. It was almost funny, when she thought about it. She’d finally reined in the terrible pangs of regret she felt when looking at B’Elanna and the other expectant mothers on the ship – only to find, she was one of them.

It was like some giant cosmic joke and it was going to take some time to get used to the idea. Rather than the childless existence she’d envisaged, she was going to be a mother. By all rights she should be horrified, appalled, but instead there was a tendril of joy very quickly wending its way from her middle, wrapping around her heart, filling her chest and mind with delight. Her eyes suddenly lightened and lifting her head, her face broke into a broad smile.

Chakotay felt like he could breathe again. He’d been standing still as stone, watching her, but even still as he was, it was as though he’d been standing in a hurricane, buffered from all sides with intense feelings, concerns, and fears. Kathryn was having his baby. _They_ were having a baby. It seemed almost too much to believe after his good fortune of only a few months ago.

He’d spent almost seven years in love with this woman, with no hope of her ever considering a relationship with him. Then, out of the blue, they’d finished up on that odd little planet of Belorm and the next thing he knew she’s waking him from a deep sleep, telling him that she loved him and here they were now, a mere ten weeks later – parents to be. It wasn’t surprising that they were both having a few difficulties coming to terms with the concept.

Kathryn was trying, without much success, to keep a straight face, but her bright eyes locked with Chakotay’s as she called, “Doctor. I have some questions.”

The Doctor poked his head around the glass partition, presumably to check if it was safe, and then sauntered out. “Why am I not surprised? What would you like to know, Captain?”

“How did this happen?”

He looked back and forth between the command team and got that familiar supercilious look on his face. “Well, when a man and a woman love one another very much, they have a very special way of …”

Kathryn turned and glared at the EMH, grinding out, _“Doctor.”_

He shrugged. “Well, you weren’t terribly specific with your question.”

“All right. You want specifics. How did I become pregnant when both the Commander and I are up to date with our contraceptive boosters? It shouldn’t have happened.” Smiling, she turned back to Chakotay and her voice softened. “Not that I’m unhappy about it, but…” She glared at the Doctor again, “it shouldn’t have happened. I want you to look into this. If we were battling the Borg or travelling through unfriendly space, this could have been a disaster.”

“Yes, Captain. I’ll make it a priority… along with the nursery.” He pre-empted Kathryn’s reminder.

“Thank you, Doctor. Send the results through to my ready room when you have them.”

“I’ll need to take some samples, Captain. It will only take a moment. You too, Commander.”

So sitting side by side on one of the biobeds, Kathryn and Chakotay surrendered themselves to the Doctors ministrations. Ten minutes later, they were on their way back to the bridge, each of them silent, deep in thought.

Kathryn nodded to Tuvok as she passed the tactical station. “The Bridge is still yours, Commander; we’ll be in the ready room.”

With a hiss and a shallow thud, the doors closed behind them.

Kathryn stood behind her desk, she felt in control there, and addressed Chakotay, who was standing opposite. “I’ve figured out the timing. It was on Belorm. It must have been the first time we made love. I bet that weasel, Zymos, had something to do with it.”

“I don’t know how he could have, and the thought is a little nauseating, but I’ll happily send him chocolates and a cigar. I’m thrilled, Kathryn.”

She smiled gently. “I know and so am I. I just need to know what happened. I don’t like mysteries.” Kathryn placed her hand over her lower abdomen and looked down. “I can’t believe I didn’t realise.” Looking back up at him, she frowned. “I’m an intelligent and reasonably aware individual. Aren’t women supposed to know these things? I thought we were supposed to have some sort of intuitive epiphany as soon as egg met sperm? I didn’t have a clue. I didn’t even notice that I’d missed my period.” She flung her arms out. “Where’s the morning sickness, the bloating, the fainting spells? Hell, even coffee still tastes fine.” Her arms flopped back to her side. “To be honest, I feel like a bit of a failure.”

Chakotay burst out laughing and stepped around the desk to pull her into a gentle hug. “Only you, Kathryn Janeway, would see not having morning sickness, and all the other unpleasant symptoms of pregnancy, as some sort of inadequacy on your part. It doesn’t happen to everyone, so just be grateful. You’re obviously a natural.” He kissed her forehead, and smoothed over her frown with his lips. “Think of all the visits to sickbay and the aggravation you’ve saved yourself.”

Kathryn shook her head, stepping away from him. “I suppose so, but I still can’t believe I didn’t notice something. Although…” she gave Chakotay a warm smile. “I have been rather preoccupied over the last couple of months.”

With a tug of his ear and a grin, Chakotay agreed. “Yes, we have, haven’t we?”

While they were standing there grinning like idiots at one another the Doctor’s brusque voice blasted through the comm., shattering the moment.

_“Sick bay to Captain Janeway.”_

“Go ahead, Doctor.”

_“I’ve analysed everything I could analyse, Captain and I cannot find any reason for the failure of your contraceptives. I am going to have to record it as just ‘one of those one in a million chances’. It happens, rarely, but it does happen. All I can say is, congratulations. This child of yours is determined to be born and will no doubt be as stubborn as his mother and as mulish as his father.”_

“’His’, Doctor?” Chakotay looked at Kathryn, his eyes bright with delight.

_“Umm, well, I have found that parents-to-be get upset when I refer to their offspring as ‘it’, so…”_

“I see, but it is a boy, isn’t it?” Chakotay was nodding at Kathryn as if he knew the answer already, which he probably did, she realised.

_“Captain?”_

“Answer the Commander, Doctor.”

_“Yes, Commander, you are going to have a son.”_

“Thank you, Doctor. Janeway out.”

Kathryn stepped up to Chakotay and cupped his face. “A son. Are you okay with that?”

Chakotay laughed, and shaking his head, he hauled her into his arms again. “Kathryn Janeway… for someone who can stare down the Borg Queen, and turn hard-bitten alien bullies to jelly with a single glare, you can be adorably vulnerable at times. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl… Kathryn, we’re having a baby.” He kissed her gently and cupping the side of her face, rubbed his thumb along her cheek. “Are you okay with it?”

Kathryn grabbed his hand and kissed it, then letting go, turned and marched up to the upper level to look out the viewport. “Yes, more and more with each passing minute. I still can’t believe it, and you have to know, it’s something that I’ve always wanted but had convinced myself that I couldn’t have.” She turned to looked at him. He was sitting with one hip on her desk, smiling at her. She thought to herself that life was certainly full of surprises. “Thank you.”

“You’re thanking me?”

Kathryn shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t know what else to say. We have a lot to think about and prepare for. I’m going to be out of action for a while when the baby is born and you’re going to have to take over as Captain. We’ll have to inform the senior staff and get their input; there are strategies to formulate, decisions to be made, provisions to put in place for my time away from the bridge…”

Chakotay laughed again gently. “Kathryn, it’s a baby, not a plan for intergalactic peace. Let’s just take each day as it comes. I agree we should tell people, but only because we want to share our good news… I really don’t need Tom’s helpful hints on fatherhood or Harry’s embarrassed stuttering when he puts two and two together and realises we have sex. You know of course, that Neelix is going to want to be the Godfather, and I’m sure he has some wonderful leola root pick-me-ups for those days when you’re feeling a little under the weather.”

“If this is you helping – it could do with some work.” She was smiling, on the verge of laughing. The mental picture of poor Harry’s face as he grasped the concept of his chaste and virtuous Captain being human after all, brought a twinkle to her eye. “Well, Chakotay, we certainly have turned the whole protocol debate on its ear. All those years of standing firm seems pretty foolish from where we are now.”

“‘Standing firm’? Kathryn, you have no idea.”

Kathryn shook her head. “Uggh, Chakotay.” He shrugged, not looking terribly sorry. Kathryn continued. “I have a feeling this is a first and there’s nothing in Starfleet regs that covers this particular scenario.”

“I think they’re going to have to add a whole new chapter to those regulations by the time Voyager gets home. We’ve bent and twisted a few in our travels, they’ll need a total revamp.”

Kathryn held out her hand and Chakotay jogged up the steps towards her. He’d allowed her, her space; taking her hand, he pulled her into a bear of a hug, and sighed happily. “Mother of my child, I love you.”

Tears pricked at Kathryn’s eyes. She’d never imagined this. A baby – but she was so glad and that Chakotay was here to share the joy. Tightening her arms around him, she hugged him close and whispered, “I love you, too.”


	11. Chapter 11

It was a few weeks later that the Kathryn let slip news of her pregnancy. She and Chakotay had gathered with the senior staff in the mess hall for a small celebratory dinner to welcome Miral Torres-Paris and introduce her to her family. Kathryn was holding the baby and marvelling at how beautiful she was. They really were extraordinary creatures. Everything in miniature. She smiled as Miral’s fingers curled around her little finger and held on with a steely grip. Her tiny mouth was making suckling movements and her dark eyes were wide-open and studying Kathryn intently. She was amazing, and it boggled Kathryn’s mind to think that in a matter of months, she would be holding her own son in her arms. She wondered what he would look like.

B’Elanna leaned over to Kathryn, peering into the bundle in her arms. “What do you think, Captain?”

“Oh, a job well done, B’Elanna. She’s beautiful, a real credit to you and Tom.” B’Elanna smiled at the praise and Kathryn surreptitiously studied the young woman gazing lovingly at her daughter. Kathryn was amazed at how seamlessly B’Elanna had slid into motherhood. Her mind flashed back to the beginning of their journey and the angry and insecure young woman that B’Elanna had been all those years ago. There was little to remind Kathryn of that person in this accomplished and confident woman sitting beside her, now laughing at Harry as he squirmed and grimaced at Tom’s rather vivid description of diaper changing.

B’Elanna turned towards Kathryn and smiled. Kathryn returned the smile and muttered, almost to herself. “I hope I can do it as easily.”

B’Elanna’s brow knitted for a split second, “Wha…”, and then her eyes widened and she stared open-mouthed at her commanding officer. “Captain!? You?”

At the sound of B’Elanna’s shocked exclamation the conversation died and all eyes turned to Kathryn. She swallowed. Oh well, it was bound to become public knowledge sooner or later, but this startled revelation wasn’t quite what she’d had in mind. Her ideal had been to inform the senior staff at a morning briefing, mentioning it as an afterthought once they’d covered whatever else was on the agenda. In the controlled atmosphere of the briefing room, she’d have felt better equipped to deal with the expected outpourings of emotion, but that was moot now. She braced herself.

Chakotay met her eyes across the table giving her an imperceptible nod of support. Kathryn took a deep breath and nodded at B’Elanna. “A little over three months.”

The engineer let out a yelp and flung her arms around Kathryn, careful not to squash Miral in her excitement. “Congratulations, Captain.” From there B’Elanna leaped out of her seat and threw her arms around Chakotay. “I can’t believe it. It’s wonderful, I’m so happy for you both.”

There were congratulations all round and lots of back thumping and hugging. Poor Harry did look a little queasy at the whole concept, but Kathryn figured he’d get over it eventually.

Tuvok offered his congratulations in his usual calm and contained manner, but Kathryn could see a spark of something like pride in his eyes, and she felt a great wave of affection for the man who, over the years, had become to her something of a father figure.

News of her pregnancy swept through the ship at warp speed and she waited for the backlash, but it wasn’t forthcoming. The crew greeted the news with some measure of surprise, but almost instantly extended their heartfelt congratulations and delight. Kathryn was relieved and so proud of them.

After the initial surge of excitement, life settled back into routine. Crewmen Dorado and Boylan’s baby boy was delivered without problems three weeks after Miral Paris, and as they awaited the arrival of the other babies due in the following months, there was news of yet another pregnancy. Megan Delaney and Mike Ayala were expecting twins. Voyager had become a veritable baby-making factory in space. The number of children that they would have to cater for still concerned Kathryn; in particular, she was worried about what they would face after they left the safety of Kinorin space. They were over half way home, but still had the best part of thirty thousand light years to travel through unknown and possibly danger-filled space. The worry gnawed at her, but there was little she could do. She couldn’t very well tell people not to have children.

Chakotay was aware of her concerns and was a steady and reassuring presence, although they both knew there was no easy answer.


	12. Chapter 12

Their journey through Kinorin space had remained blissfully uneventful, highlighted by their regular stopovers at the various space stations to trade for goods. They’d found that, without the constant worry about lack of supplies, or the stress of battling belligerent aliens at every turn, a sense of quiet calm had pervaded the ship. Everyone’s focus was now on the new arrivals and on getting Voyager in tip-top condition. All of Voyager’s systems were being overhauled and routine maintenance schedules had been stepped up to ensure that the ship was in peak running order before they exited Kinorin space.

Tuvok insisted on maintaining the crew’s battle readiness, with regular drills and tactical training, but for the most part, it was a restorative and relaxing time aboard Voyager. Something that was long overdue, to Kathryn’s way of thinking.

She’d grown steadily bigger as the pregnancy progressed, her body changing in every conceivable way. Her breasts seemed to double in size almost overnight, much to Chakotay’s delight and Kathryn’s chagrin. He’d been blithely unapologetic; she’d rolled her eyes and shaken her head, but had been secretly pleased that he still found her so desirable. At the four and a half month mark, she began wearing a pregnancy uniform.

Donning it for the first time, she stood looking at herself in the mirror. All of a sudden, it became startlingly real and she was assailed by a wave of deep-rooted self-doubt. Having a baby was the last thing she’d imagined doing in the depths of the Delta Quadrant. What sort of madness was it, to bring a child into a world where imminent destruction and death lay in wait around every corner? Who the hell was she to decide to birth this child, who, if he survived, would be destined to live all his formative years in space and would be an adult before he ever found his way back to Earth? Standing there, staring at her reflection with her hands cupped protectively over the small bump that was her baby boy, she could feel the panic rising. It bubbled from the deepest recesses of her mind, spreading over her like oil on water, suffocating and stifling all the joy. Taking a deep breath, and readying herself to cry out in anguish, there was suddenly a flutter in her belly – very faint, but definitely there. She stood stock-still and waited. There! It happened again. Lifting her hands away, she stared down at herself and then slapped her combadge.

“Janeway to Chakotay.”

“Chakotay here, Captain.”

She didn’t consider where he might be, or with whom, but simply blurted, “He moved, Chakotay. Our baby moved and I felt it. It’s amazing. He feels like butterflies. It’s so wonderful.”

There was a brief silence then she could hear muted laughter and muffled congratulations in the background. She cringed when she realised what she’d done. Chakotay covered the moment skilfully. “Thank you for the information, Captain. I’ll be with you immediately for an update.” She could hear scuffling as he ran. “Don’t move.”

In the space of thirty seconds, he was barrelling through the door of their quarters, coming to his knees in front of her, placing his hands reverently on her lower abdomen. His breath was hot against her, even through the fabric of her uniform, as he spoke softly in words she couldn’t understand to the small life inside her. All her fear dissolved and both of them began laughing with delight. In that moment, her heart wanted to burst with joy and love for this man and child. She held Chakotay’s head against her stomach as he hugged her tight. He began to nuzzle her, pushing up her uniform top to kiss the hot skin of her belly. Undoing her trousers, he slid them over her hips, slowly working his way down to her mons. Kathryn threw off her jacket, tee, and bra, and wove her fingers through his hair, holding him to her. Her legs began to shake as his tongue darted out to taste her and with her doubts cast aside for the time being, she slid to the floor and into his arms. Within moments, they were both naked, when she opened herself to him, he entered her.

They lay on the floor in the middle of their quarters rocking together, their movements unhurried, gentle, and tender. His hands stroked over her body, plucking at her sensitive nipples; he kissed her lips softly as he whispered words of love. Kathryn wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms around his shoulders, allowing him to set the pace to their lovemaking. Leaning on his elbows, careful not to put too much weight on her, Chakotay made love to her with deep, slow strokes, his eyes never leaving hers. Kathryn felt the pressure build and within moments, she arched and came, the warmth of her orgasm spreading throughout her body, a flush skimming up her chest and neck. Chakotay kept up his gentle rocking motion until with a deep moan, holding her lower body flush against his, he came in hot spurts deep inside her. Smiling tenderly at one another, they lay in each other’s arms, whispering about their future, and the joy and delight that was their son.

After they dressed again they sat on the couch in their quarters in quiet contemplation. Chakotay held her close to his side and thought about the capricious nature of existence. His life since he’d found out about Kathryn’s pregnancy had been lit with such a sense of wonder as he’d watched her soften and embrace the joy of impending parenthood.

He’d had to battle against his urge to be overly protective; with much effort he’d found a happy medium between devoted and doting. Well aware of her need to be independent and in control, he was there for her in those rare moments when she needed a shoulder or a helping hand, but knew when to step back and let her ‘captain’.

They were happy, in love and blissfully content.

Kathryn, although not a big woman, had grown large quite quickly. Watching her swell with his child was something that he would remember with joy for the rest of his life. The last few months had been filled with moments of sublime joy. When he first heard the rapid patter of his son’s tiny heart, he’d been overwhelmed. Up until that point, what had been a joyous, if abstract concept, all of a sudden took on a startling reality. Both he and Kathryn had walked like zombies from sickbay that day, completely astounded and amazed. That had been only a few weeks after they’d found out about being pregnant and now that tiny being, still so small that he would fit into the palm of Chakotay’s hand, was moving and making himself known to both him and his mother. It was an extraordinary experience and one he wouldn’t swap for all the world. He thanked the spirits everyday for the gift that was Kathryn and his child.

He battled also with a sense of fear and deep-seated worry. Both he and Kathryn held grave concerns for all the children born aboard Voyager and what their futures would be, but they were bound now to continue with their quest, and if luck and the gods were on their side, they might find a way home in their lifetime. However, if they didn’t, they would continue to make a life for themselves here on Voyager.

Kathryn leant back into Chakotay’s warmth, her hand stroking gently over her ever-ballooning abdomen. She was due in sickbay shortly for a routine check up but she was more than happy to sit here while she waited.

The Doctor had kept a watchful eye on her, and although she’d religiously stuck to his restrictions, they’d almost come to blows on several occasions over his constant harping and incessant nagging. She was no fool and knew, as an older first time mother, there were many real, and not inconsequential, risks that she faced; she wasn’t about to do anything that might compromise the wellbeing of her baby. Therefore, she grudgingly tolerated the Doctor’s blathering for the benefit of her unborn baby, but it had been a close call on a couple of occasions.

She loved this tiny being already. The ‘scientist’ Kathryn was aware of exactly what was happening to her, right down to the last foetal cell, but on occasion the analytical ‘scientist’ part of Kathryn Janeway was being unceremoniously shoved aside, and Kathryn, the mother-to-be, would take her place. She could be found sitting by the viewport, staring out at the stars, her hand rubbing slow circles over her belly as she contemplated the vagaries of life and what it would be like when the baby was here.


	13. Chapter 13

Almost five months after entering Kinorin space, they received a communication from a Probator Aonzo Burit. He was the chief minister in charge of the sector they were currently traversing. Although he wouldn’t elaborate over the comm., he was eager to impart some information he’d acquired, insisting that Kathryn and Chakotay visit him on his home world.

They dropped into orbit around the planet of Aia two days later, and Kathryn and Chakotay, with a small security team, beamed down for their meeting with the Probator. Kathryn was intrigued, although a little wary. They may have been in friendly space, but she hadn’t allowed herself to become too complacent. However, their precautions were unnecessary. The Probator was a delightful, middle-aged man, who, like all the Kinorins they’d met so far, was welcoming and overtly hospitable. Kathryn and Chakotay immediately warmed to their new friend.

A smiling Probator Burit bowed his head in greeting and thrust his hand forward in his learned gesture of welcome to his visitors from Earth. Kathryn smiled and shook his proffered hand. “Probator, it is a pleasure to meet you. May I introduce my first officer, Commander Chakotay?”

“Commander, an honour, and Captain Janeway, I’ve been so looking forward to making your acquaintance.” He glanced down at her swollen abdomen and gestured that they follow him. Kathryn was now seven months pregnant and, although healthy and robust, she was quite large. “Shall we go and find somewhere more comfortable to discuss the information I have for you? I know you will find it interesting, and I’m sure you would be happy to be off your feet, Captain.”

Kathryn smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Probator, that is very considerate of you.”

“Please, call me, Aonzo. I am the father of five and I remember it very well. This way.”

“Thank you, Aonzo. Five children, how wonderful, and I would be honoured if you would call me Kathryn.”

He smiled and led them through a doorway into a small library. It was cosy, with lush but comfortable furniture and the walls covered floor to ceiling with shelves filled with books. Kathryn smiled. He was obviously a reader and a scholar – a man after her own heart – she relaxed and looked forward to their discussion.

Aonzo sat them down and offered drinks, which they accepted with thanks. Once settled with their refreshments, Aonzo joined them and immediately launched into the reason behind his request that they visit his homeworld.

“Kathryn and Chakotay, as you know the Kinorin Sovereignty covers a vast area of space and encompasses many different worlds and cultures.” Both Kathryn and Chakotay nodded. “Well, it is my job, within my small allotted sector, to visit each of the planets on a regular basis. It is my responsibility to keep them up to date with new technologies and information from the Central Governing body. There are hundreds of such sectors within Kinorin space, which in turn incorporate many different species and cultures. I was recently on Honroth, a small planet at the farthest edge of this sector. It is an isolated planetoid, sparsely populated, but with an extraordinarily high level of technology. At first glance, you may be forgiven for thinking that it is a backward, agrarian society, but the population made a choice many millennia ago to live the very simplest of existences, in harmony with the land and the world around them. They have successfully struck a balance between simplicity of lifestyle and cutting-edge technology.

“They are the leaders in many areas of technological theory and experimentation, but they do not let it rule their lives; subsequently, Honroth is a most peaceful and enlightened society. Because of its isolated position and the fact that it is such a quiet and unassuming place, I only visit there rarely; this time however, I had the good fortune to meet one of their leading propulsion scientists, Dr Che’bel Atasi. He was very excited to know that you would be passing through this sector on your travels and, aware of your plight, sought me out, and asked me to forward this information to you.”

Aonzo handed Kathryn a small padd like device, which he leant over and activated. “It has been through our translation matrix so I hope it is intelligible.”

Kathryn was avidly reading and nodded distractedly at the Probator. There was complete silence during the few minutes it took Kathryn to read through Dr Atasi’s data and hypothesis. It was audacious, but the science was sound and Kathryn had to make a concerted effort to contain her excitement. She glanced sideways at Chakotay, her eyes alight. He grinned at her.

Aonzo looked towards her expectantly. “Well, Kathryn. Is this of any use to you?”

It took a good deal of will power in her part not to grab the Probator and kiss him. “Oh, Aonzo, I think this will be very useful. I don’t want to seem impatient, but when can we meet with Dr Atasi? I’m intrigued with his theories and would very much like to discuss them with him. Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention.” She passed the padd to Chakotay, who began reading, a smile lighting his face.

Aonzo laughed. “My pleasure Kathryn, and I hope you don’t mind my presumption, but we thought you might be interested. Dr Atasi is, in fact, here.”

Kathryn broke into a broad grin, and both she and Chakotay stood as the door behind them opened. They turned to meet a very tall, slender gentleman, with long grey hair and gentle intelligent eyes. He bowed to Kathryn and Chakotay. “Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, it is a pleasure to meet you.”

Still smiling, Kathryn bowed her head, as did Chakotay. “Dr Atasi, I have a feeling that the pleasure is going to be all ours.” She indicated the padd that Chakotay was holding. “This is intriguing.” They took their seats.

Dr Atasi smiled. “You have looked over my data, and are familiar with the basic theorem on which it is based?”

Kathryn nodded. “I am well versed in Soliton Wave theory, although I have never seen it used in this configuration before. I’m most impressed with your research. Is there any chance of seeing a working model? It says that you have moved vessels a measure of light years with no appreciable damage to them, or their occupants.”

“That’s correct. The farthest we’ve managed so far is ten thousand light years.”

Kathryn’s eyes widened with that news and she had to stop herself from grabbing Chakotay’s hand.

Dr Atasi continued. “We have been sending the vessels in increments of two thousand light years, setting up buoys at each stop. With each experiment, the next vessel leaps past the previous one, drops a buoy and sends telemetry back via the network. We will be sending another vessel tomorrow, and you are most welcome to observe, if you would like?”

Kathryn turned to Chakotay and grinned. He answered. “I think I can speak for Kathryn and the rest of the crew and say that we would very much appreciate the opportunity, Dr Atasi.”

This time Kathryn did take Chakotay’s hand and gave it a squeeze, before letting go. “Thank you, Dr Atasi. Aonzo informs us that you live on a planet some distance from here. If Voyager travelled to your world, would you allow us to take our own scans during the experiment? You are welcome to inspect our scanning equipment and sensors to ensure that it won’t interfere with the Soliton Wave.”

Atasi nodded. “That sounds like an excellent idea, Captain, and if I may be so bold, I’d like to ask for a berth on your ship to return to my home planet. It is only a matter of hours from here at warp eight and it would give me an opportunity to get to know you a little better and hear something of your adventures.”

“Dr Atasi, it would be my great pleasure.”

After bidding farewell and extending their gratitude to Aonzo, Kathryn, Chakotay, and Dr Atasi beamed to Voyager and set a course for Honroth. The trip was spent with Dr Atasi sharing some of the highlights of their journey. He explained that word of Voyager, and its journey, had spread throughout the Sovereignty and captured the imaginations of many of its citizens.

Several hours later, they dropped into orbit around Honroth, and Kathryn, Chakotay, B’Elanna, Tom and Vorik joined Dr Atasi planet side to inspect the Soliton Wave generator. It was a huge facility neatly tucked into the hills above the main settlement. Set in the lush jungle was a bank of fifty field coils that would generate the wave utilising a cascade effect.

That night, Kathryn could barely sleep. This was the first, and best, chance they’d had in years to leap ahead many thousands of light years towards home. Their last attempt had been almost two years ago when they’d used the alien Tash’s catapult, taking a mere three years off their journey. It had been slim pickings from that point on and Kathryn was excited. She spent most of her sleepless night going over all the information she could find regarding Soliton waves and field coil propulsion theory.

There’d been a near-disastrous experiment with Soliton waves in 2368 involving the Enterprise D, but Dr Atasi had postulated the use of a static warp shell to shield the vessel ‘surfing’ the wave. If they could perfect this, it diminished the potential for disaster significantly. The Honrothis had also discovered a method of using small, timed graviton bursts to stop the wave gaining power as it moved forward.

Atasi had made the first jump himself, to prove that it was safe. The next two were also made with manned craft; however, the subsequent jumps had been made by automated vessels. The further away they sent the ships, the longer it would take them to return, and they didn’t want their people stranded so far from home. Kathryn was very familiar with that scenario and she wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

She scoured the data, and by the early hours of the morning, when Chakotay found her curled up on the couch with padds scattered all around her, she’d come to the conclusion that this was one of the safest modes of propulsion they’d ever considered using. With Atasi’s modifications built into Voyager’s specs, it was, at least in theory, safer than warp drive. Kathryn was ecstatic.

Chakotay eventually coaxed her to bed and lay there dozing as she talked animatedly about the ins and outs of Soliton energy, dispersive effects and non-linear speed and frequency. He grunted where he felt it was appropriate, listening more to the timbre of her voice rather than what she was saying. Her tone was all husky and warm, and in her excitement, it had taken on an edge of delight that made him smile.

His hand rested on her taut-skinned belly, and he could feel his son, tossing and turning, caught up in his mother’s excitement. Chakotay silenced her eventually with a kiss and wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her towards him, stroking her body until the excited tension shifted to arousal. With her eyes bright with excitement, and her body’s responses heightened by the thrill of this new discovery, she straddled his hips. In her state of coiled delight, she was demanding and hungry for his touch, riding him at a frantic pace until with a cry, she climaxed, pulling him with her to the stars. Collapsing sated and drowsy into his arms, she finally slept, only to wake three hours later, to ready Voyager for observing the Soliton wave.

Dr Atasi had recalibrated Voyager’s scanners and sensors, declaring them safe and ready to use. Voyager would have a front row seat to observe the Soliton effect as it hurtled the unmanned Honrothi vessel twelve thousand light years distant. The view ports were crammed with Voyager crew vying for a glimpse of the effect.

The first phase of the experiment went off without a hitch. The Soliton wave rolled out from the planet like a giant tsunami, picking up the Honrothi vessel, which was about half the size of Voyager, and propelling it, at phenomenal speeds, towards its destination. By Atasi’s calculations, it should take three hours for the vessel to reach the twelve thousand light year mark and send its telemetry back via the buoy network. It would be a restless and impatient wait for all concerned.

After watching the wave from the Bridge, Kathryn and Chakotay took themselves to the ready room to await the results. Right when the tension was becoming all too much, the Doctor contacted them to say that Gloria Harper was in labour and that the baby was due in the next few hours. Kathryn thanked the Doctor, and sent her best wishes. Before the Doctor could close the link, however, there was a bone-shattering scream from Gloria in the background. The link was hastily cut and Kathryn looked across at Chakotay. He gave her a sympathetic smile and picked up her hand, holding it comfortingly between his.

She really didn’t need to hear that sort of thing. “I hope Gloria is all right.” Then putting on a brave face, she quipped. “Odds on, that baby is delivered before we get news of the Honrothi ship.”

Chakotay chuckled. She was amazing but he was touched that she allowed him to see her fears and insecurities. He didn’t want her to dwell, so he changed the subject. “Okay, put your rations where your mouth is and you’ve got a bet.”

She shook her head with a laugh. “We share our rations, that’s hardly a bet.”

“Okay, then. A massage.”

Kathryn eyed him carefully. “Okay.”

She shook on it and laughed as he pulled her close and kissed her. He whispered against her neck, nuzzling the soft skin just under her ear. “It’s a win-win situation as far as I’m concerned.”

“You’re a hopeless case, Commander.”

“Where my Captain is concerned, completely hopeless.” Smiling, he pulled back, cupping her face between his hands, studying her carefully. “I love you very much and I still have moments when I don’t believe this. Such happiness just doesn’t seem possible.” He stroked one hand over her pregnant belly and then looked up at her, his eyes filled with love.

Kathryn felt the sting of tears, as she looked at his dear face. “I don’t deserve you, you know, but I’m so glad you love me.” Her fingers drifted over the lines of his tattoo and slid around his neck pulling his face towards her. She kissed him deeply, pouring her heart and soul into it and pressing against him. His arms wrapped around her, he lifted her gently onto his lap, their mouths still joined, and their bodies rocking in a familiar dance. Soft moans punctuated the quiet of the ready room as Chakotay’s hand stole up under Kathryn’s top, pressing hot and needy against her breast. It occurred to Kathryn that mere months ago, she would have frowned on such behaviour, but since her pregnancy and the relaxed atmosphere of Kinorin space, she’d found herself indulging her needs more readily. She drew the line at actually having sex in her ready room, and it wasn’t something that she planned to make a habit of, even though, just at the moment, it was difficult to see the downside of this activity.

She was just starting to ease out of the kiss when her combadge chirped.

Chakotay smiled as she moved away from him slowly. He’d been waiting for the jolt, quickly followed by an apology, but Kathryn had mellowed over the last few months and it was wonderful to see. The harsh lines around her mouth and eyes had softened, and although no one could accuse her of being lax or permissive, it was a delight to witness this softer side of Kathryn. He reminded himself though, that it was made simple by the fact that they were sailing along without having to concern themselves with their survival on a day-to-day basis. Depending on what lay ahead of them, outside Kinorin space, they might have to revert to the ‘yellow alert’ status that had been their existence before meeting the Kinori. He would be sorry to see this side of Kathryn disappear, but they did what they had to do to survive, and Captain Janeway had kept them safe and alive until now.

“Sickbay to Captain Janeway.”

“Janeway here.” Kathryn raised her eyebrows, waiting for word from the doctor that she’d won the bet.

“Ellie Jane Harper entered this world five minutes and forty seven seconds ago and both mother and daughter are doing well. I can’t say the same for Ensign Bristow, he’s still looking a little wan.”

“That’s wonderful news, Doctor. Give Gloria and Freddie our congratulations, and the Commander and I will be down to see them later.”

“They heard, Captain, and send their thanks. Sickbay out.”

Kathryn looked very smug. “You owe me one massage, Commander. I’ll look forward to it.”

“So will I.” He kissed her.

With a sigh, Kathryn stood. “Well, there’s work to do.”

“We could make love… that would make the time go faster.”

“Chakotay…Do you ever think of anything else?” She admonished, but smiled as he pretended to think and then shook his head. “As much as I’d love to, I really do have work to do. I’ll see you later.” She reluctantly moved down to her desk. His suggestion was very tempting.

Chakotay followed and leaned across her desk. “Are you absolutely sure? I could send word to Tuvok that we’re busy shredding regulations and rewriting protocols, and that we’re not to be disturbed.”

Kathryn snorted. “Go right ahead, but let me get the holoimager first. I want to get a picture of his face when he gets that request.”

Chakotay chuckled along with her, then after quickly kissing her hand, excused himself. He had crew rosters to complete and their quarters to prepare for her massage.

News of Harper’s baby had distracted Kathryn for a short time, but now she was impatient to hear news about the wave experiment. Much rested on its success. After Chakotay left the ready room, Kathryn sat behind her desk for a few minutes and attempted to do some work, but she couldn’t keep still, and it wasn’t long before she found herself pacing back and forth across the space in front of her desk. She desperately wanted the Soliton wave to be a viable method of propulsion. If they could get even another ten thousand light years closer to home, it would mean that they had only another twenty or so to travel and stood a very good chance of getting back to Earth within their lifetimes. Her heart ached for the realities of even another twenty years travel. Her mother would never meet her grandson. Gretchen would be gone before they arrived home, and although Kathryn had long ago prepared herself for that eventuality, the closer they got to Earth, the greater was the hope that they would make it sooner rather than later. Now, with a baby on the way, it sharpened that pang of yearning again, and she hoped against hope that the Soliton wave would carry them even further than anticipated.

Kathryn couldn’t stand it any longer and left the ready room. “Tuvok, I’m going to sickbay to visit our new crewmember.”

He nodded and Tom swung around from the conn. “Send Freddie and Gloria our congratulations please, Captain.”

“I will, Tom.”


	14. Chapter 14

Kathryn was happily cuddling tiny Ellie Harper when word came through from Dr Atasi that the experiment was a success. The vessel had travelled over twelve thousand light years and, as far as he was concerned, he couldn’t see any reason why they couldn’t go further. Much further.

Kathryn was thrilled with the success of the wave jump and sat down several hours later with an equally thrilled Dr Atasi to analyse the results, comparing those from his sensors to those from Voyager’s sensor array. From their calculations of the wave’s deceleration curve, there appeared no reason why they couldn’t make it as far as thirty thousand light years – all the way home – before the wave dissipated. The prospect had Kathryn very excited. There would have to be more in depth analysis of the data so she contacted Seven to go over the telemetry and give her a report. With satisfied grins, she and Dr Atasi sat back, looking very pleased with themselves.

Dr Atasi nodded towards Kathryn. “I think I can be quietly confident, Captain that you will be able to make a substantial dent in your journey back to Earth with this method of propulsion, and if luck is with you, you might make it all the way to your home planet.”

Kathryn smiled. “I think you may be correct, Doctor. Thank you so much. I don’t know how we can ever repay you for this. We’ll be forever grateful to you and the Kinorins for all your kindness. It has been a truly enlightening experience.”

“I’m only pleased that my theory can be put to some practical use and you never know, one day we might venture out to meet you in your solar system.”

“You would be most welcome, Dr Atasi. Most welcome.”

Seven’s analysis came back with a cautious but positive conclusion. She agreed with Kathryn and Atasi’s analysis. The Soliton Wave Propulsion was a safe method of propulsion.

It was now time to decide what to do. Kathryn gathered the senior staff in the Briefing room to ask their opinions. She’d decided that since time permitted, she would allow them input into the decision making process. Well aware that a Starship wasn’t a democracy, she’d realised with decisions as momentous as this and in light of the circumstances, they had a right to voice an opinion. There was unanimous agreement that Voyager should attempt the Wave ride. It pleased her no end that they were willing to take the risk, minimal, as it seemed, to use the Soliton technology. Once the decision was made, it was a matter of organising a schedule to refit Voyager in preparation to ‘surf’ the Soliton Wave.

The warp engines needed to be modified to create the static warp shell, also the deflector would need to be converted to emit the intermittent graviton bursts. Their sensors would have to be recalibrated to read the Soliton wave energy output and the computer would have to be tied in to automatically adjust the graviton bursts to maintain constant and consistent wave strength.

Kathryn calculated that the conversions would take approximately six weeks. B’Elanna was given carte blanche to make use of any and all Engineering staff, and to pull crew from other areas of the ship, if need be. Kathryn herself was determined to help and, although she received a withering look from the Doctor and a none-too-encouraging glare from Chakotay, she refused to be deterred. Her help would be essential, particularly in Engineering; getting her hands dirty was part of the excitement and added to the sense of accomplishment.

Work began almost immediately, with rosters drawn up and staff assigned. The relaxed life aboard Voyager became a dim memory, replaced by a frenzy of activity. The level of excitement and anticipation hadn’t been this high since their abortive attempt at the slipstream all those years ago.

* * *

They were five weeks into their schedule and the modifications to the warp core were almost finished. The deflector’s refit was complete and the sensors had been updated. Chakotay entered Engineering expecting to find Kathryn behind one of the consoles, barking orders at some hapless ensign crawling though the bowels of the ship, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Joe Carey was half under a console and Chakotay nudged his leg. “Joe, have you seen the Captain?”

There was a thud, and Joe crawled out of the confined space, holding his head. Chakotay screwed up his face in sympathy. “Sorry, Joe.”

“It’s all right, Commander, my fault. Head’s too big.”

“Have you seen her, Joe? The Captain?”

The engineer looked around guiltily, trying to avoid Chakotay’s eyes. “Ummm…”

“Where is she, Joe?”

Joe gave him a hangdog look. “She made me promise not to say anything.”

Chakotay looked threatening. “She has the power to demote you, Joe. I have the power to throw you out an air lock. Where is she?”

Joe’s shoulders sagged. The ultimate lose-lose situation. He was doomed whatever he did. “She’s in Jefferies Tube seventeen, but Commander, please don’t tell her that it was me who told you.”

Poor Joe looked so pathetic that Chakotay agreed not to let on. Now all he had to do was crawl though a mile of tubes to find her. He wasn’t impressed.

Fifteen minutes later, Chakotay found her, lying on her side with one arm elbow deep in an open panel, cursing under her breath as she tried to dislodge a stubborn piece of technology. B’Elanna was with her and they were laughing between the swearing. It was a wonderful sound, but he wasn’t feeling very charitable. He was hot and sweaty after his crawl through the tubes and he was worried about her. B’Elanna saw him first and nudged Kathryn; she peered over her shoulder and looked back at B’Elanna. He couldn’t see the face she pulled or hear what she said, but if B’Elanna’s expression was anything to go by, it wasn’t standard Starfleet or befitting a commanding officer.

B’Elanna saw the look on Chakotay’s face and knew better than to hang around and get caught in the crossfire, so she started shuffling backwards. “I’m just going to check the calibrations. I’ll leave you to it, Captain. Chakotay, I’ll see you later.”

He waited until B’Elanna was out of earshot. “Kathryn, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

She twisted around, her arm still in the guts of the relay panel. “I’m replacing a burnt out relay, what does it look like?”

“It looks exactly like that, and that’s the problem.”

“Why did you ask then?”

“Kathryn, there are people who can do that just as well as you can. You shouldn’t be in here.”

She frowned. “I’m fine, Chakotay. I’m still capable of doing my job. I’m pregnant, not an invalid.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know that, sweetheart, but you’re also the size of a small asteroid, and I don’t want you to get wedged somewhere, and then have to prise you out. Besides it probably isn’t good for the baby for you to be in these confined spaces.”

She rolled over, pulling her arm from the wall and glared at him. “A small asteroid!? Well, thank you very much. I know where you’ll be sleeping for the foreseeable future… and it’s not with me.”

He rolled his eyes and looked at her, lying on her back with her very large stomach blocking half the Jefferies tube. She followed his eyes and frowned. It was a very large belly, she had to admit. The baby started kicking and moving, not liking the position she was in, so with great effort and very little grace, she rolled and scrambled onto her hands and knees, then kneeling, sat back on her heels. She shuffled around to find Chakotay sitting there with his arms crossed, giving her a knowing look. That last display had been a rather obvious practical demonstration of why she shouldn’t be in a Jefferies tube when she was eight and a half months pregnant. He held out his hand.

Kathryn sighed and passed him the relay. He made short work of replacing it and then leaning forward, gave her a quick kiss. “Next time, ask someone else, Kathryn, please. We all know you’re more than capable of flying the ship all on your own, but just now, you really need to take care of yourself and our boy…” She gave him an apologetic smile, and then looked at him in horror as he continued. “…besides, we can’t afford to have any of the Jefferies tubes blocked by small asteroid women.” She took a swipe at him.

He laughed when she missed and began backing down the tube.

She glared at him. “Do you have some sort of death wish? You should know better than to taunt a pregnant woman. We can’t be held responsible for our actions. You’ll get yours, my friend.” Her teasing tone took the edge off the threat as she grudgingly agreed not to crawl into the Jefferies tubes or any other confined space until after the baby was born.


	15. Chapter 15

A week later, they were as ready as they would ever be. Voyager’s systems had been modified and recalibrated and she was in better shape than she’d been since leaving space dock over seven years ago. Kathryn had woken that morning quietly confident that they would succeed. All possible contingencies had been catered for, and now it was only a matter of putting all their theories into practice. A niggling backache had interrupted her sleep, waking her in the early hours, but she ignored it – never being one to sleep well on the eve of an important mission.

They’d said their good byes to the Kinorins and Dr Atasi, promising to send word, via a long-range probe, through the buoy network when they arrived at their destination. They thanked their Kinorin hosts for all their help and hoped to one day meet with them again. A distinct possibility if the Soliton wave propulsion was as successful as it promised to be.

The day arrived and the senior Bridge crew were at their duty stations. Kathryn took a deep breath, turned to Harry and nodded.

Harry opened a ship-wide channel. “Ready, Captain.”

Taking a step forward, Kathryn addressed the crew. “This is Captain Janeway. Within the next few minutes, we will be taking a giant leap towards home with the help of the Kinorin’s and the Honrothi’s Soliton wave generator. We’ve all worked towards this moment with great enthusiasm and anticipation, and I’m confident that we will succeed. Voyager and her exceptional crew are writing yet another distinguished page in the history books and I want to commend you all for your bravery and your loyalty. No captain has ever had a crew to rival mine. I’m so proud of you all. Thank you, and with luck on our side, within six hours we’ll be home. Secure the ‘little crewmen’ and safe travels, Voyagers.”

She nodded to Harry again; he closed the channel, and gave Kathryn a smile. Giving him a nod and smile in return, she turned back to the view screen. Her hand came up to rub her lower back, that damned twinge was back again. She would have to get Chakotay to give it a massage later.

“Janeway to Dr Atasi.”

The elderly Honrothi appeared on the viewscreen. “Captain, you are ready to depart?”

“We are, Doctor. Thank you again for all that you have done for us, and we will send word as soon as we can.”

“Good luck, Captain, it has been a pleasure.”

“Thank you, Doctor, the feeling is mutual.”

The Honrothi’s face faded from the viewscreen to be replaced by the stars of open space. Kathryn turned sideways to look at Chakotay. No words were needed but she reached across and grasped his hand briefly. He gave it an encouraging squeeze and reluctantly let go. Taking a steadying breath, Kathryn contacted Engineering. “B’Elanna, are you ready? Is Miral safe and sound?”

“Aye, Captain. Everything is ready and Miral is with all the other ‘little crewmen’ strapped-in in Samantha’s quarters.”

“Excellent. Bring the static warp shell on line.”

“Warp core powering…routing power… the shell is forming, Captain.”

Kathryn watched as the stars outside shimmered and distorted as the warp bubble encapsulated the ship.

She monitored the Engineering readouts from her console and watched as the very recognisable contours of a warp bubble formed around Voyager.

“Engineering to Bridge. The warp shell is in place and stable.”

This was it. “Janeway to Atasi. The warp shell is stable. We’re ready when you are.”

“Powering coils now, Captain. Wave is forming. Contact in twenty seconds.”

“Tom ahead at half impulse, let’s keep ahead of it and let the wave take us slowly. Tuvok, rear view.”

The view screen shimmered again and a slightly unfocussed view of the Honrothi planet filled the screen. They could see the Soliton wave heading towards them. Kathryn sat down. It not only eased the pain in her back but also meant she had something to hold onto in case there was any jolting or jarring.

Harry began the countdown. “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four…”

“Brace for impact.”

The wave made contact and Voyager jolted forward, picking up speed steadily. A static-filled message came over the comm. “At..si to Voy..ger, safe jou…ney…”; as they quickly sped out of comm. range, the message faded.

Tuvok brought the viewscreen back to forward view and spoke to Kathryn from Tactical. “The wave is gaining speed exponentially; we are at equivalent of warp eleven.”

“The graviton pulses?”

“They will begin in approximately four minutes and thirty seconds, once the wave has reached optimal speed.”

They all sat watching the star field smudge across the view screen, safe inside their cocoon of energy, buffered from the massive speeds by the warp bubble.

So far, so good.

Kathryn shifted uncomfortably in her chair. The pain was now creeping around to her lower belly, and she twisted and turned, trying to ease the ache. All of a sudden, it occurred to her what was wrong… or right, as the case might be. She was in labour and had been since the early hours of the morning. What a disaster! She didn’t dare look at Chakotay, he would know as soon he saw her face that something was wrong. Looking down at her belly, she begged her son to wait, please, but another twinge made her suck in a harsh breath, and she could feel Chakotay’s eyes on her.

She ignored him, but he had other ideas.

“Kathryn?”

Turning she smiled, trying to hide her guilty secret. “Chakotay?”

“Are you all right?”

“Yes, just a bit excited, I think. Everything seems to be going to plan.”

He looked at her suspiciously. “Hmmm, yes, it’s good news, so far.”

She stood up, grimacing slightly as her back protested. “I’ll be in my ready room. You have the bridge, Commander.” It was imperative that she escape. Chakotay could read her like a book, and he would know that something was wrong, if he hadn’t already figured it out. Sometimes it felt as if he could read her mind, and she could feel his eyes burning into her back as she made her escape.

The doors to the ready room slid shut behind her and her shoulders sagged with relief. She took a deep breath as another, stronger pain hit. This was the last thing she needed, but it wasn’t as if she had any choice in the matter. Walking around her desk, she gingerly took a seat and rummaged through the drawers for a medical tricorder. Running it over her lower abdomen, she checked the readings. It was definitely labour and she was already two centimetres dilated. The baby’s heart rate was fine and everything seemed to be going along, as it should. She was stable for the moment, and there was no point making a fuss, so to occupy herself she opened her computer console and began logging data from engineering and Astrometrics. About an hour later, the pains were becoming impossible to ignore. With each one, she would have to stand and lean against the desk. It was time, at least, to let the Doctor know.

She tapped her combadge. “Janeway to the Doctor.”

“The Doctor here, Captain.”

“Are you alone, Doctor?”

“Yes, Captain. How may I help you?”

“I just wanted to inform you that I am in labour.”

“You are!? And what, may I ask, are you doing in your ready room and not here in sickbay?”

“It is early days yet, Doctor and I have things to do.”

“I don’t suppose you’ve told the Commander, have you?”

“No she hasn’t, Doctor, but I know now.” Chakotay was standing just inside the corridor entrance to the ready room.

Kathryn swung around and glared at him. “It seems the Commander is here and aware, Doctor, and will be escorting me to sickbay forthwith.”

“I’m very pleased to hear that, Captain.”

There was a shudder through the ship and her eyes met Chakotay’s worried frown. She slapped her combadge on her way through the doors to the bridge. “Janeway to Engineering. What’s going on, B’Elanna?”

“The warp shell is destabilising in patches. The graviton bursts are causing a feedback loop of energy through the warp coils. It’s only minor, for now, but with each graviton burst it creates more feedback and the shell becomes slightly less stable. I’m going to try to bolster it with proton bursts to counter the graviton effect, but I don’t know if it will hold together for the duration. We might be looking at a shorter trip than we anticipated.”

“Can we….ahhhh….” Kathryn reached out blindly for something to hang onto, as another contraction gripped her, and stopped talking for a moment, waiting for the pain to subside. She found herself clinging to Chakotay’s arm and she smiled to reassure him that she was all right.

“Captain?”

“Sorry, B’Elanna, it seems that someone has decided that now would be a good time to make an appearance.”

“Congratulations… I think.”

“Yes, well, back to the problem at hand. Can we decrease the intensity of the graviton bursts to minimise the feedback?”

“I don’t think that would be wise, Captain. They’ve been specifically calculated to maintain the Soliton wave at a consistent speed. If it gains speed, it also gains size and intensity, becoming a destructive force. We don’t want to wipe out Earth as we land on its doorstep. Starfleet would not be pleased.”

Kathryn was blowing breaths through pursed lips as she endured another contraction and muttered, “Neither would my mother.” Once the pain had subsided, she addressed B’Elanna again. “Right, we scratch that idea. Can you think of anything else to maintain the warp bubble?”

“I’ll work on it, Captain and can I make a suggestion…?”

“Certainly, Lieutenant.”

“You should get yourself to sickbay before Chakotay has a heart attack. I can just imagine what he looks like. Everything is under control at the moment, and Tuvok and I will keep you informed.”

Kathryn turned to look at Chakotay. B’Elanna was right, the poor man looked very wan and shaken. Kathryn smiled. “We’re on our way, B’Elanna, oh and by the way, I don’t remember promoting you to Admiral.”

They could hear B’Elanna laugh on the other end of the comm. “Ahh, that’s pregnancy brain for you, Captain. You forget all sorts of things.”

Kathryn smiled. “Thank you, B’Elanna and please, updates every fifteen minutes.”

“Aye, Captain and good luck. Torres out.”

Kathryn closed her eyes and squeezed Chakotay’s arm, again breathing through the dragging pain of a contraction. Opening her eyes to find Chakotay’s worried face in front of her, she smiled. “Okay, Commander, let’s go. If we time it right, I might get to sick bay before the next one.”

Chakotay put his arm around her and marched her into the turbo lift, calling to Tuvok as he passed. “You have the bridge, Commander. You know where we’ll be.”

There was a chorus of good wishes and good lucks as the lift doors hissed shut. Kathryn leant against Chakotay, grateful for his solid and reassuring presence. She couldn’t believe this. How the hell was she going to write this report? What were Starfleet going to think? She didn’t really want to contemplate that.


	16. Chapter 16

They were almost to the sickbay doors when a crippling contraction struck. She couldn’t move, and stood rooted to the spot, squeezing Chakotay’s arm so tightly that his hand began to tingle from lack of blood supply. Puffing short breaths as she’d been taught, it finally passed, and leaning against him they made it the last few metres to the sickbay doors.

“Ah, Captain. Here you are. I have everything ready for you. If the Commander will help you remove your uniform, there is a comfortable gown for you to put on, and you’re welcome to lie down, stand, walk, squat, hang from the rafters or whatever makes you most comfortable. We’ve discussed the birthing process at length, so you do what comes naturally, and the Commander and I will be here to help.”

Kathryn felt like decompiling his smug, overbearing program, but restrained herself. She might need him. Chakotay helped her undress, and slip on the loose fitting gown. It was much more comfortable, but far from stylish, although she was past caring. Looking glamorous was the last thing on her mind. She had two more strong contractions but on examination, she was only four centimetres dilated. This was likely to go on for hours yet.

“Engineering to the Captain.”

“Go ahead, B’Elanna.”

“The proton bursts seem to have slowed the destabilisation, but I can’t guarantee how long it will stay that way; however for now it seems to be holding. Seven has been calculating how far we’ve travelled and as of about a minute ago, we’d passed the five thousand light year mark.”

Chakotay answered. “That’s good news, B’Elanna. The Captain is pleased too, but a little preoccupied at the moment.”

“I’ll leave you to it, and I’ll contact you again shortly. Torres out.”

Kathryn ground out through gritted teeth. “I can’t believe this. I need to be on the bridge. This is your child, isn’t it? He’s so damned contrary. Why today of all days?”

He leant down and kissed her sweaty brow. “There’s nothing you can do about it, Kathryn. Let’s just concentrate on bringing our son into the world safely, and let B’Elanna and the others worry about the engines.”

“You should be up there. Really, Chakotay. I’ll be fine. You head back to the bridge. I could be here for hours.”

“I would prefer to stay here with you.”

Kathryn took a deep breath and stood tall. The Captain appeared before his eyes. “Chakotay, you need to be on the bridge.”

“Are you ordering me there, Kathryn?”

She looked at him, his eyes were dark pools of worry, and she was torn. Protocol dictated that if the Captain was incapacitated then the next most senior officer was to take command… there was never any mention about the second in charge being in sickbay with his Captain as she gave birth to their child. They really had some work to do on those protocols once they got home.

As much as she didn’t want to, it was something she had to do. “Yes, I am ordering you, Chakotay. I don’t want to, but I need you up there. Voyager and the crew need you. The Doctor or I will contact you the minute anything changes. I could be here for hours and we can’t afford for both of us to be off the bridge for all that time.” The pained look in his eyes nearly broke her heart and she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Chakotay shook his head. “No, you’re right, Kathryn. I apologise. I’ll go, just promise me you’ll call me if anything happens and if the situation permits, I’ll try to be here for the birth. Is that all right with you?”

“A nice compromise Commander, thank you.” She gave him a stoic smile. “And Chakotay…” He looked into her eyes. “…I love you.”

He leant down and kissed her deeply. “I love you too.” He then kissed her abdomen. “Be good to your mother, my son.”

Taking a deep breath, he took one last look at Kathryn then spun on his heel and left sickbay. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done.

Kathryn watched him go, her heart heavy, but it was their only option, and at times like this, it was even more imperative that they keep their heads. What they were attempting was far too important for them to indulge in their own personal wants. She was the captain first, and everything else came second. Chakotay understood that and he would do his very best to get Voyager home. With him on the Bridge, she could concentrate on what she was doing, and if B’Elanna could keep the warp shell from collapsing prematurely, they had a good chance of making it most of the way home. The sharp clench of another contraction was starting.

“Doctor! I need you here.”

He rushed to her side, supporting her through the painful contraction.

This continued for another two hours. Every five minutes, the vice like grip of a contraction would weld her to the spot, as she breathed in huffing breaths through the pain, with the Doctor stoically supportive at her side. He rubbed her back, placed cool flannels on her forehead, and encouraged her gently through each contraction. She couldn’t have done it without him.

B’Elanna, as promised, sent through updates every fifteen to twenty minutes and Chakotay’s soothing voice apprised her of the situation from the bridge. The Doctor in turn gave Chakotay a running commentary on what was happening in sickbay. It was a toss up as to which momentous occasion was the most anticipated – the return to Earth or the arrival of the Captain’s baby. The whole ship was waiting for news from sickbay, each update was channelled through the comm. system and they all waited with bated breath for the ‘little captain’, as he’d been nicknamed, to be born.

Seven sent reports on the distance travelled and all was fine until they reached the nineteen thousand light year mark. At that point, the warp shell began to deteriorate at a faster rate. The proton bursts were not able to sustain its integrity any longer.

B’Elanna contacted Kathryn. “It’s no use, Captain, I can’t maintain the bubble. If it collapses while we’re in front of the wave, we’ll be crushed like a bug. I’m going to have to dissipate the wave.”

The disappointment bit hard. They weren’t going to make it home, but they were a hell of a lot closer than they had been this morning and they would just have to be content with that. Kathryn gritted her teeth…. “Do what you have to, B’Elanna, and well done keeping it together for this long. Inform the bridge.”

“I have already, Captain. They wanted the word from you, though.”

“Tell them, the word is given.”

“Aye, Captain.”

Kathryn leant heavily against the biobed, but she didn’t have time to dwell on regret as another contraction wiped everything, bar pain, from her mind. On the periphery of her consciousness, she felt the ship jolt and the inertial dampers press down, as the artificial gravity fought to keep them all in one piece. As the pain faded, she felt the engines kick in and Voyager start to shudder and shake.

Chakotay’s frantic voice came over the comm. _“Everyone brace!!”_

The Doctor grabbed hold of Kathryn. “Computer, fix EMH to the sickbay deck-plating, elongate arms and increase strength fourfold. I apologise, Captain, but I have to keep you safe.”

His arms lengthened and wrapped securely around her upper and lower torso, making sure he didn’t press on her abdomen, and with his feet holographically bolted to the floor, he held on to his captain as the ship tossed and tumbled in the wake of the dissipating Soliton wave.

Consoles exploded in a hail of sparks and smoke billowed through the room. Implements were thrown from trays and cupboards and flew like shrapnel around the bay; the Doctor twisted and turned to avoid them hitting Kathryn. The lights flickered ominously and then extinguished, and the emergency lighting sputtered and glowed weakly. Kathryn wrapped her arms over her belly in an attempt to protect her baby, as she was jolted and shaken in the Doctor’s iron grip.

It seemed to go on forever, and for heart-stopping moments, Kathryn didn’t know which way was up. The fire suppression systems came on line, and cleared the room of smoke, but it felt as though Voyager was coming apart around them. The whole ship groaned and screamed, lurching like a dying animal.

Kathryn tried not to panic, but as the bulkheads heaved in their death throes, she was overwhelmed by a deep sadness. They were going to die; she’d killed them all as well as her baby. There would be no triumphant return to Earth, no life with Chakotay and their child. In her hunger for home, her greed for the unattainable, she’d forfeited everything. They would die out here in unknown space, alone, and no one would ever know.

The Doctor must have felt the fight go out of her; gripping her tighter, he spoke into her ear. “We’ll do it, Captain. Voyager won’t let us down.”

She could barely hear him, but he sounded so sure that it was all Kathryn needed to short circuit her panic. Nodding, she took a deep breath and gritted her teeth, willing Voyager to hold on. If only she was on the Bridge and knew what was going on.

She yelled over the noise and carnage. “Chakotay, report. What’s happening?” But either the comm. was down or he couldn’t hear her.

It was at that moment that another contraction hit along with a new sensation. Kathryn felt the hot splash of fluid down her legs and on her bare feet and knew that her waters had broken. Oh for God’s sake, was there no end to this indignity!

Voyager’s shaking and shuddering started to ease and slowly the systems came back on line. The lights flickered on, dimmed slightly, and then righted themselves. The comm. crackled to life. It was Chakotay.

_“Kathryn, are you all right? Kathryn, Doctor, answer me please. Kathryn!?”_

“Chakotay, we’re fine. We’re okay. Voyager… is she all right?”

The relief was palpable in his voice. “Thank the spirits…. Yes, Voyager is still in one piece. We’ve got a bit of cleaning up to do. I’m afraid I broke your bridge.”

Kathryn had this overwhelming urge to laugh, she didn’t know why. “The crew?”

“All accounted for, little crewmen included. There are a few minor injuries, but Tom is dealing with those in the mess hall. We’re at a full stop for the time being. I’m going to hand over to Tuvok and return to sickbay… with your permission of course.”

Kathryn wasn’t able to answer, so the Doctor relayed what he imagined she would say. “Commander, I think if the Captain could speak, she would be telling you to ‘get your butt down here pronto’. Your son is impatient to make his way into the world.”

“My butt’ is on its way. Oh, and Kathryn, I love you.”

Chakotay tore off the bridge, handing over to Tuvok with a nod as he ran past Tactical. Another chorus of good lucks followed him into the lift. He paced back and forth in the confined space… it seemed to take an age to drop the five decks. He shoved his way through the partially opened lift doors and ran down the corridor, almost taking the sickbay doors off as he barged his way in.

“Ahh, Commander just in time. My holographic hand is pulp, it’s your turn.”

Kathryn was sitting up on the bio bed, holding her bent knees wide as she huffed and puffed through a contraction. She was naked, with a sheet draped over her for decorum’s sake. Her gown had been tossed aside after her membranes ruptured. Her skin had become hypersensitive and anything covering her made her irritable… or _more_ irritable, as the Doctor had amended so helpfully at the time.

Sweat was pouring from her forehead, her face was red and scrunched up in pain, and her hair was hanging in damp tendrils. She was a wreck, but to Chakotay she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Commander, I suggest that you sit behind the Captain and support her back. She is going to need to push soon.

“Kathryn, sweetheart, I’m just going to get behind you.”

She blinked up at him and gave him a tired smile. “We’re nearly there, apparently. Glad you could make it for the grand finale.”

He leaned forward and kissed her sweetly, she tried to kiss him back but another earth-shattering contraction hit and she cried out against his lips. “Fffffffuuuucckk!!”

Chakotay had never heard her use that particular word, although, in a perverse way, he rather liked the way it sounded, but now wasn’t the time for such thoughts. He climbed behind her, bracing his legs on either side of her and helped her hold her knees. From here, he could whisper in her ear, telling her how much he loved her, how magnificent she was and that it was almost over. He could see the top of the Doctor’s head as he checked on Kathryn’s progress.

The Doctor looked up and smiled. “Your crowning, Captain, and from what I can see your baby has dark hair. That’s one for your gene pool, Commander. Would you like to see, Captain, Commander?”

Chakotay nodded, Kathryn did too, in a manner. The Doctor grabbed a large mirror from the trolley and set it up on a stand at the end of the bed. They both now had an uninterrupted view of their baby being born.

The Doctor coached Kathryn. “When the next contraction starts, Captain, I want you to take a deep breath and push steadily and when I say stop, I want you to puff in short sharp breaths until the urge to push subsides.”

Kathryn nodded. The contractions were coming thick and fast, one almost starting before the previous one finished. Surely, it must be over soon.

She ground out between gritted teeth. “Here it comes.”

“Fine now, a deep breath and _push,_ Captain.”

Kathryn groaned and Chakotay watched in awe as his child’s head slowly began to appear. The Doctor’s gloved hand was easing him slowly from Kathryn’s body. “Stop now, Captain.”

Chakotay, tried to help. “Short sharp breaths, Kathryn.” He puffed as an example. “Don’t push anymore.”

She growled. _“Stop pushing…_ how the fuck do I do that? You try it. Oh Goddd……!”

“You are doing marvellously, Captain. Now rest for a moment.”

Kathryn took a breath and then cried out. “Oh, God, another one.” She pushed back against Chakotay with such force that he was crushed between her and the wall, barely able to breathe. She’d become super human in her efforts to birth this child.

“That’s it, Captain. Another big push. You’re doing so well.”

She let out a cry and slumped back against Chakotay, gasping.

“Kathryn, look, Kathryn, his head is out.” Chakotay was whispering breathlessly into her ear, completely awestruck by what was happening. “He’s beautiful.”

Kathryn lifted her head exhaustedly and saw the blue wrinkled face of her son for the first time. Seeing him instilled in her a new sense of purpose, and as the next contraction hit she pushed with all her might. The Doctor eased one tiny shoulder out, and in a gushing slither, and a cry, her boy entered the world.

“Bravo, Captain.” Kathryn fell back against Chakotay and the Doctor laid the small slippery body on Kathryn’s bare stomach. Holding him, she laughed as he squalled and squirmed against her. The Doctor clamped off the umbilical cord and handed Chakotay the laser scalpel to cut the cord.

Once that was done, the Doctor draped a warmed blanket over Kathryn and the baby and quickly scanned both mother and newborn, giving Chakotay a smiling nod. “They’re both fine, Commander. Perfect in fact.”

Kathryn snuggled back into Chakotay’s arms, as they both stared in wonder at their child. Already he was rooting against her skin looking for the breast.

“Captain, if you can get the baby to suckle, it will help to deliver the placenta.”

Grinning delightedly, Kathryn looked up at Chakotay as she eased the baby onto her breast. She gasped as he began to suckle, astonished at the strength of the suction. Kathryn couldn’t stop smiling.

She turned to Chakotay to find him staring at his son with tears sliding silently down his cheeks. Reaching up, she kissed him. “He’s beautiful, just like his father.”

Chakotay shook his head. “No, he’s beautiful and spirited like his mother.”

Kathryn snorted. “Yes, and that mother’s got a mouth like an Orion slave trader.” She gave him a guilty grin. “Sorry about that.”

Chakotay laughed and wiped his tears. “I think you can be forgiven for swearing under the circumstances. I’ve never seen anything so amazing.”

“Yes, well, I grant it’s probably better as a spectator sport than as a participant, but I’m pleased that I was able to do it. Although I don’t know how things will ever be the same after all that stretching.”

The Doctor’s head popped up from between Kathryn’s legs. “The female genitalia has an amazing capacity to ‘bounce’ back, as it were. Captain, could you give another little push, so we can deliver the placenta.”

Kathryn cringed. She’d forgotten he was there. “Ahh, thank you, Doctor, that’s reassuring.” Bearing down gently, she felt the afterbirth come away.

The Doctor regenerated her uterus, and the few small abrasions.

“There you are, Captain. You should have only minimal bleeding. I’ll store this, Commander, as per your instructions.” The Doctor sealed a container holding the placenta and Kathryn turned to Chakotay with a questioning look as the Doctor carried it from the room.

“When we reach Earth, there is a ceremony that will need to be performed. I’ll explain it to you later. You don’t mind, do you?”

Kathryn shook her head and looked down at her son again. He kept falling asleep; suckling gently until he dozed, only to startle when he fell away from the breast, and then, latching on again, suckled hungrily. “He’s voracious.”

“He’s my son.” Chakotay said proudly, as if that explained everything. Kathryn laughed.

The Doctor returned. “Commander, I’ve had several calls from the Bridge and other departments wanting an update on the ‘little captain’s’ progress. I thought you would like to do the honours.”

Chakotay smiled and tapped his combadge. “Chakotay to all hands. The ‘little captain’ arrived safely at 1452. Mother and baby are doing well. Thank you all for your good wishes and we’ll see you all soon.”

They could hear the crew’s muffled whoops and joyful cries through the sickbay walls.

The Doctor kept a watchful eye on the new parents as he began to tidy sickbay. He sang quietly to himself as he noted the joy on the faces of the command team. The Captain had been incredibly brave in the face of what was almost a total disaster. Giving birth under those conditions was not ideal, although he was hardly surprised; she did have something of a habit of doing things the hard way.

Once his sickbay was in some semblance of order and the Commander was now holding the baby, he wandered over to the biobed. “Now, Captain, you would probably like to shower. Here is a towel, a clean gown and undergarments. After the Commander escorts you to the shower, he and I will give your baby his first bath.”

Wrapping the blanket around her, Kathryn slid off the biobed. Chakotay handed the baby to the Doctor and by her side, walked to the sickbay bathroom. As they stepped inside the room, she squeezed Chakotay’s arm. “As soon as I’m finished, I’d like a meeting with B’Elanna and Seven to find out what happened to the warp shell, and I also need an update on Voyager’s status and repair times.”

Chakotay gave her an exasperated look. “Kathryn, you’ve just had a baby, I think Starfleet will cut you some slack.”

“Yes, I’m sure they would, but I need to know.” She dropped the blanket to the floor. “Computer, shower on, warm.” Standing there naked before him, she put her hands on her hips and looked at him steadily. “Chakotay, don’t make me make it an order, please. I need to know.”

He wanted to laugh, but she was deadly serious. Even standing there naked, only hours after giving birth, she was still the captain and no one would ever doubt it. He nodded, and leaning forward, kissed her. “No need, I’ll have them here in half an hour. Do you need me to do your back?”

Kathryn shook her head. “No, I’m fine, but there’s a little boy out there who’s waiting for his Daddy.”

Chakotay grinned and turned towards the door, but before he left, he spun back towards her. “I love you more than I can ever say. Thank you for my son.” With one last searing look, he opened the door and was gone.

Kathryn took a deep breath. What a man. With a grateful sigh, she stepped under the shower. Bliss.


	17. Chapter 17

After the wonderful experience of bathing his son for the first time, Chakotay returned to the Bridge to relieve Tuvok. He was due back soon, however. Voyager was at station keeping at present and he could command Voyager just as well from sickbay as the Bridge. Besides, all of the information was being forwarded there anyway; Kathryn insisted.

For the time being, they were safe. There was nothing within sensor range, but they had their shields up and scanners on long-range sweeps, just in case.

Tuvok had visited Kathryn for a few moments, solemnly congratulating her and studying the infant intently, before declaring that he was a fine example of a human newborn.

By the time, B’Elanna and Seven arrived in sickbay, Kathryn was sitting up in bed, calm and composed. Apart from looking a little tired, no one would ever have known that she’d had a baby, except for the telltale crib next to her bed.

B’Elanna, gave Kathryn a kiss and then made a beeline for the crib and exclaimed. “Oh, he’s beautiful, Captain. The image of Chakotay, but I can see you there too around the mouth.”

Seven peered into the crib and frowned. The baby was sleeping. He had a shock of black hair and his face, still swollen from the birth, was frowning as he slept. “He looks like a small squashed human, I do not see the likeness to either the captain or the commander.”

B’Elanna glared at Seven, dismayed. “Seven, you can’t say things like that about someone’s baby.”

“Even if it is true?”

“Especially if it is true.”

“I apologise, Captain. Your baby is very handsome. I was in error, he doesn’t look at all like a small squashed human.”

It was all Kathryn could do not to laugh. She was on such a high, nothing could topple her off her perch, and besides, she didn’t care what anyone thought of her baby. She was aware that he did look a little like a mini-Malon at the moment, but he was beautiful to her and she adored him no matter what anyone else thought. Small squashed human was probably a fair comment, but, amusement aside, it was time to get back to the matter at hand. “Thank you Seven and B’Elanna. Now first of all, exactly how far did we get?”

B’Elanna grinned. “We managed twenty-two thousand light years before we lost the warp shell completely. We tumbled the last thousand or so light years. Not the most auspicious end to our travels, but we’re now in the Beta Quadrant and only about five years from the closest border of Klingon space and seven years from the Federation.”

Kathryn reined in her disappointment. Considering what the alternative might have been, they were lucky to be alive. Over twenty thousand light years in under six hours. It was an impressive feat. They were now on the home stretch. Earth and the Federation were looming on the horizon and although they hadn’t made it all the way, she was deeply grateful that they were all alive and well. With a smile, she shrugged. “Not quite what we aimed for, but not bad, considering. Well done, the pair of you.”

“Thank you, Captain. I’ve sent a long-range probe back towards the buoy network, letting Dr Atasi know how far we travelled and that we’re all in one piece. I also sent him the data about the feedback loop in case they run into the same problem. We’re stuck here for the time being. There is about three days work needed on the warp engines to get them back to spec, and we lost quite a few relays and several gel packs when we were thrown out of the wave. I’ll get a damage list and repair schedule to you as soon as I can.”

“Good work, B’Elanna. Now, can you tell me what happened?”

Seven handed Kathryn a padd. “This is all the relevant data, Captain, but from what we can surmise it had something to do with an energy feedback loop. Although the graviton bursts stopped the Soliton wave from exponentially gathering speed and size, it also created an energy echo in the warp matrix. This fed into the warp coils causing the warp bubble to destabilise in patches. I have some theories that might explain why this happened and also some strategies that might prevent it from happening in the future.”

Seven was standing rigidly by Kathryn’s bed, trying to concentrate on what she was saying, but her eyes kept darting to the crib. Kathryn watched, gently amused by the young woman’s fascination with her baby. Right on cue, he started fussing and Kathryn’s eyes darted towards B’Elanna.

B’Elanna had also noticed Seven’s preoccupation with the ‘little captain’ and smiled as the Captain addressed Seven.

“He’s hungry again. Seven, would you mind picking him up and passing him to me?”

Seven looked surprised and turned to B’Elanna for assistance.

“Here, I’ll show you, Seven. Like this.” B’Elanna slid her hands under the little bundle, one under his shoulders and the other under his bottom, and lifted him a few centimetres off the bottom of the crib. “Now you try.”

Seven bent over awkwardly and copied B’Elanna’s hold perfectly. She lifted him from the bassinette and with her arms outstretched, offered Kathryn the blanket wrapped bundle.

Kathryn smiled. “Try holding him a little closer to you, Seven. Up against your chest.”

Seven looked pained and B’Elanna moved closer to help. She tucked him up against those enormous bosoms but he kept wriggling and then began to squawk. “I fear I do not have what this child needs, Captain. He is better off with you.” She handed the baby to Kathryn and he immediately began to nuzzle and cry louder.

Seven watched as Kathryn unfastened her top and placed the baby on her breast. The crying stopped immediately and Seven raised her implanted brow in surprise. “I definitely did not have what the baby needed.”

Both Kathryn and B’Elanna laughed and Seven gave them a tentative smile, not entirely sure what they thought was amusing, but enjoying the sensation of being a part of the moment.

B’Elanna watched her Captain. What a remarkable sight. If anyone had told her a year ago that their by the book, hard-nosed Captain would be sitting here with a baby at her breast, looking so relaxed and happy, she would have laughed in their faces. However, there was no arguing with what was right in front of her. There she was, and it seemed so natural and normal. Voyager was truly a family now.

All eyes turned towards the doors as Chakotay and Tom entered sickbay and made their way over to the bed. Tom was carrying Miral and brazenly leaned forward and kissed Kathryn’s cheek, then looked down at the baby, completely unfazed by the fact that Kathryn was breastfeeding. She caught Chakotay’s look and winked at him, and he was reminded of their conversation about Tom on Belorm all those months ago. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and for some of the small people in the room, it was just that.

How their lives had changed for the better over those few short months. He would have to think seriously about sending those cigars and chocolates to Ghalor Zymos of Belorm. Ugly and offensive as the little man had been, he was the catalyst for all this wonder, and Chakotay owed him a huge debt of gratitude. If Zymos had kept his hands to himself, they wouldn’t be here. The world worked in mysterious ways.

Chakotay was brought back to the present by Tom’s next quip.

“He’s a handsome lad, Captain. Chakotay, a chip off the old block.” Tom reached across the bed and slapped Chakotay on the shoulder. “Well done, Captain. You cook good ones too, just like B’Elanna and me. A couple more like these and in a few years, we’ll be able to have the evenings off.”

Kathryn shook her head and chuckled at the pilot. “I don’t know about you, Tom, but I’m not ready to retire just yet.”

Seven was watching the interactions between the other senior staff carefully. She stepped forward.

Kathryn looked enquiringly at the young woman. “Yes, Seven?”

“I should return to Astrometrics. I shall inform you of any new developments as they arise.”

“Thank you, Seven.”

She stood there hesitating for a long moment and then quickly leant forward and kissed Kathryn on the cheek, blushing profusely as she stood back. “Congratulations, Captain and Commander, he’s a beautiful child.”

Kathryn was surprised, but grasped the young woman’s arm before she could scuttle out of the bay. “Thank you, Seven. That means a lot to the Commander and me.”

Seven gave her a small smile and then spun around and strode out of sickbay.

“Well, wonders will never cease.” B’Elanna looked around her at all the astonished faces. “That was very sweet… but if she ever tries to kiss me, she’ll be making friends with the pointy end of a bat’leth. I’m just warning you now.”

Tom grinned. “Ah, my sweet little warrior queen. Never let it be said that you don’t know how to add that touch of sentiment to a ‘moment’.” B’Elanna glared at him, but then smiled and laughed as Miral’s little hand reached up and grabbed his nose.

“Ouch!”

“You tell him, Miral.”

Harry entered sickbay, carrying a large bouquet of flowers.

Tom smiled at his friend and then nodded to B’Elanna. “We’d better go. We’ll see you later, Captain. Congratulations. He’s a winner.”

“Thank you, Tom. Good night… and B’Elanna, thank you for keeping things together today. We couldn’t have done it without you. You saved the day again. There’ll be another commendation in your file as soon as I get back to the ready room. ”

B’Elanna took a deep breath and gave Kathryn a smile. Taking Miral from Tom’s arms, the couple walked towards the doors.

Harry greeted them, promising to drop by later and then made his way towards Kathryn and Chakotay. “Captain, Commander, I hope you don’t mind, but the Doctor said you were having visitors and I just wanted to congratulate you.”

“Thank you, Harry. Are they for me?”

“Ah, oh, yes.” He held them out to her, but she had the baby in her arms and couldn’t take them. Harry didn’t quite know what to do with them, but Chakotay came to the rescue.

“I’ll take them, shall I? Thanks Harry. I’ll take them back to our quarters.”

“That’s great, Commander. Oh, and Captain, everyone sends their best wishes and can’t wait to see the ‘little captain’.”

Kathryn grimaced. “We’re going to have to give him a name before that sticks.”

Chakotay chuckled. “You can blame Tom for that one.”

“Don’t we always.”

“True, but this time it’s deserved.”

“Have you chosen a name, Captain?” Harry looked back and forth between his two commanding officers.

“We had a few that we liked, but now that we’ve seen him, none of them seem to suit. Any ideas, Harry?”

The baby was asleep again, so Kathryn straightened her clothing, and then held the baby out for Harry to hold.

Chakotay smiled as he watched the young man tuck the small bundle up in the crook of his arm, as if he’d done it a hundred times before. Harry looked in wonder at the child in his arms, studying the small face and running his finger gently down the baby’s cheek. He glanced up, grinning broadly at Kathryn and Chakotay. “ _Adam,_ he looks like an Adam.”

Kathryn looked towards Chakotay and raised her brow. “I like it.”

Chakotay nodded. “Me too. Computer, give the origin and meaning of the name Adam.”

“The name Adam is Hebrew in origin and means ‘of the Earth’.”

Tears suddenly burned in Kathryn’s eyes but she smiled broadly and nodded. “It couldn’t be more perfect.” She reached out and stroked a finger across her son’s soft downy hair. “Uncle Harry, meet Adam Chakotay Janeway.”

Harry beamed down at the baby. “Hello, Adam. Welcome to Voyager.”

The Doctor appeared at the end of the biobed with his holoimager. “Smile, everyone.”

They all turned and the moment was captured for posterity.


	18. Epilogue

“Smile, everyone.” They turned towards the cameras and a frenzy of whirring, clicking and flashing lights.

They were home.

Kathryn stood flanked by her delighted mother and sister. Seven-year-old Adam was standing in front of her, and she’d draped her arm protectively around him. Chakotay was behind her, with their three-year-old daughter Meli perched on his shoulders. Chakotay’s sister, Sekeya was by his side and everyone was smiling broadly at the bank of reporters and camera operators who, in a hail of flashes, called out to them to look this way and that.

It had been a staged photo opportunity, organised at Starfleet’s behest, to keep the media hounds at bay. Fortunately, the rest of the crew had been spared the ordeal, but as Captain, Kathryn had been obliged to make an appearance before the press. There were no questions or interviews at this point, only holoimages.

Kathryn had been less than thrilled when the Starfleet PR reps had told her that this was to be part of their arrival ceremony, but her disappointment had been short lived. Starfleet had gone out of their way to accommodate the returnees and it would have been churlish of her to begrudge them a few minutes of her, and her family’s, time. By her calculations though, those minutes were just about up.

She counted to ten and then held up her hands, asking them to stop. Starfleet security stepped forward and began ushering the reporters out of the room.

With that chore out of the way, her family relaxed and Kathryn turned towards her mother.

She and Gretchen looked at one another for a long moment and then Kathryn felt her face begin to crumple. The tears she’d so bravely held at bay began to tumble down her cheeks; seeing her distress, her mother pulled Kathryn into her arms.

At the same time, Chakotay wrapped his arm around his sister’s shoulder, kissing her head. As Meli’s little arms reached for Sekeya, Phoebe was ruffling Adam’s hair, and they both began to laugh.

The last cameraman to leave turned in that instant and captured the image that was to become the quintessential symbol of Voyager’s return. A joyous family portrait that spoke of the delight of long-lost loved ones at last reunited. The image was splashed across every newscast and billboard throughout the Federation.

A snapshot of pure joy.

Kathryn had a treasured copy of the image on the mantle above her fireplace, and picking it up, she smiled. She’d relived that day in her mind many times over.

They’d been home for almost a year now, but it seemed like only yesterday that they’d stepped off Voyager for the last time and into the waiting arms of beloved family and friends.

Holding the image against her chest, she wandered over to the window and looked out onto the backyard where Adam and Miral were chasing the dog and Meli was showing Owen where to dig for Chakotay’s newly planted bulbs. Kathryn laughed. He would not be pleased, but the scene was so precious and brought with it such a sense of fulfilment and peace that she couldn’t bring herself to do anything to stop their fun.

She’d dreamed of this life and, after years of paying her dues, it was finally hers to live and cherish.

* * *

The ‘Great Leap’, as it had been coined, had taken them two thirds of the way home; they’d found themselves in the Beta Quadrant, a little over eight thousand light years from Earth.

It took two weeks to repair Voyager after the damage they’d sustained when thrown from the wake of the Soliton wave, but there’d been no major structural damage and, thanks to the Kinorins, the storage bays were full. The ship was in better shape than it had been in years.

Word had been sent to Starfleet, using long-range probes via the Klingon Empire, informing them that they were now in the Beta Quadrant and heading for home again. Starfleet immediately dispatched a vessel to meet them half way.

Voyager set forth and three and a half years later, they rendezvoused with the USS Oneida.

The Oneida’s awestruck Captain, Gareth Callaghan, offered to transfer Kathryn’s crew and their families to his ship and either abandon Voyager, or tow her across the Klingon border to salvage later.

Kathryn had been honour bound to inform the crew of the offer, but not a single soul on Voyager would hear of it. Their adamant refusal to abandon their ship had been a proud moment for her.

Callaghan had been impressed by the crew’s solidarity and had backed down without argument. Apparently, Owen Paris had had an inkling that this might happen, so an alternative was offered – a complete overhaul of Voyager to bring her up to current specs. It was a huge undertaking, but it was the only alternative Kathryn and her crew would consider.

Subsequently, they spent the next six months doing a running refit and upgrade on all of Voyager’s systems.

Once the refit was complete, the Oneida was ordered to continue its mission to explore the Beta Quadrant and leave Voyager to travel the last three years of her journey alone.

Before the Oneida departed, however, Chakotay asked Captain Callaghan to marry him and Kathryn. It wasn’t something they’d considered before. Kathryn had been the only person on board permitted to perform the ceremony, and although certain protocols had been relaxed, she drew the line at marrying herself. Until now, it hadn’t been a consideration but their second child was due any moment, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity while there was a captain within hailing distance.

The entire crew of Voyager attended the nuptials while the Oneida’s crew manned stations.

As it turned out, the bride and groom almost didn’t make it.

They’d opted for a simple ceremony on the holodeck. Nothing fancy, just a straightforward Starfleet ceremony. Kathryn couldn’t believe it when the telltale dragging pains of early labour began right before Tuvok escorted her through the holodeck doors and up the aisle to Chakotay’s side.

She gave Chakotay a pained and apologetic look when Tuvok placed her hand in his, and he realised immediately what the problem was. With a disbelieving shake of his head, he’d turned to Captain Callaghan and told him the news.

Kathryn and Chakotay’s ceremony soon became legend as one of the quickest weddings in Starfleet history. When her waters broke right after they’d said their ‘I do’s’ they’d had a mad dash to sickbay, repeating the last of their vows at the sickbay doors.

Kathryn spent her wedding night in sickbay giving birth to their daughter, Meli. It hadn’t been a straightforward delivery like Adam’s, and the baby had to be transported at the last minute. Kathryn and Chakotay endured an anguished wait while the Doctor worked frantically to save their tiny newborn daughter. Nevertheless, Meli was tenacious and a fighter, much like her mother, and by morning, she was out of danger and demanding to be fed.

Although small at birth, Meli thrived, growing into a gorgeous and rambunctious tearaway, and the apple of her father’s eye.

Almost three years later, they crossed into the Alpha Quadrant and soon after, over the border into Federation space. It had been a moment to remember, and the celebrations, started that day, had gone on for a week.

From the Alpha Quadrant border, they were a mere one hundred and thirty light years from Earth, which they could cover in a matter of weeks at high warp. It was hard to believe that after all these years their journey was finally coming to an end. With this in mind, the crew began preparations for their homecoming.

There were very mixed feelings about what their arrival on Earth would mean for all of them. The dissolution of the crew weighed heavily in everyone’s heart. It was an emotionally fraught time, but Kathryn and Chakotay had made a point of reassuring one and all that, as a family, they would always remain close and if ever anyone needed anything, help was only a comm. call away.

The night before they entered Earth’s solar system, they brought Voyager to a full stop and the crew gathered on the holodeck for one last night together before the circus began. It was an evening of extreme highs and heartbreaking lows. Saying goodbye had been harder than anyone had thought possible. Deep friendships and brotherhoods had been forged over the years through battles won and lost, tempered by moments of sublime joy and shattering grief. They were bonded, as close as people could be without the ties of blood, and now they had to prepare themselves for the eventual fracture of their family.

The children were the ones for whom Kathryn felt the greatest pangs of loss. There were twenty-two ‘little crewmen’ and all they’d ever known was their Voyager family. Their small protected world was about to fall apart. She vowed that she would discuss with their parents the importance of staying in contact and, if possible, find a way to live close to one another, if not for the children’s sake, for their own. Kathryn couldn’t imagine what her life would be like without the support and friendship of the likes of B’Elanna and Tom.

The day of their return dawned, and together, she, Chakotay, Adam and Meli had made their way to the Bridge.

Kathryn stood in the centre of the command deck, her back ramrod straight and her head held high. Taking a shaky step forward, her heart pounded in her ears and her hands trembled. The view on the forward screen filled her vision. It was almost too much to believe and she was torn between wanting to leap for joy or crumple to the deck in a wash of grateful and relieved tears. Just when she thought her legs might go from under her, a small arm wrapped itself comfortingly around her waist and she looked down into two familiar smiling brown eyes. Her darling Adam, so like his father in looks and almost identical in nature. Like Chakotay, he had an innate understanding of the feelings and moods of those around him. They’d been so blessed with this gentle and loving soul.

Her shoulders relaxed and she smiled at her son, hugging him to her side and kissing his head. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“That’s okay, Mom. I know.”

He leant his head against her and together they turned back towards the viewscreen.

Chakotay was beside her, and bent over to scoop their daughter into his arms as she ran past.

Kathryn had decided that, protocols be damned, the Bridge crew and their families would be together for this momentous occasion. The rest of the crew and their families were together in other parts of the ship, watching from view ports and consoles, as Voyager swooped gracefully through her home solar system on the last leg of this tremendous odyssey.

After fourteen years, they were almost home.

All eyes were glued to the forward viewscreen as they swung past the rings of Saturn. Coming into view, Jupiter loomed large before them. They sailed gracefully past the gas giant, but when Mars filled the screen, all eyes began to peer past the small red planet in hope of catching the first glimpse of their long-awaited destination.

Earth.

Kathryn took one last look around the Bridge of her beloved ship.

Tom was at the helm, his fingers skimming expertly over the console as he urged Voyager the last few million kilometres towards home. His son, Owen, was seated on his knee, B’Elanna and Miral were at his side with little sister Casey in her mother’s arms.

Harry and Tal Celes were at Ops, and Celes was holding their newborn daughter.

Ayala and Megan Delaney were on the upper deck with their twin boys perched on the railing.

Tuvok was standing stoically at Tactical, his eyes darting back and forth from the viewscreen to his console. Still carrying out his duty, even in this moment of sublime delight. Kathryn smiled.

Samantha Wildman was at the Science station with Naomi, and Seven was at her console behind the command chairs with Neelix, the Doctor and Icheb by her side.

Kathryn turned to Chakotay, as he tried to contain their wriggling three year old. She swept her hand through the little girl’s hair to get her attention. “Meli, are you watching?”

The tousled head of dark red curls swung around and stared at the viewscreen. She frowned for a few seconds and then began to wriggle again.

“Down, Daddy.”

“Not now, sweetheart. It’s time to watch.”

Kathryn grinned as Chakotay, ever patient, lifted Meli onto his shoulders. She settled… for the time being.

Adam pointed to the screen. “There.”

He was right. There was Earth, a mere dot in the distance but steadily growing larger.

Kathryn swallowed hard. She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t cry, but it was a promise that she didn’t think she’d be able to keep.

Adam was tugging on his sister’s foot. “Look, Meli. That’s Earth.”

The little girls blue eyes widened in wonder. “Erf”

“That’s right, Meli. Earth.” Her brother was grinning at her. “We’ll see Grandma soon.”

The little girl stopped wriggling. She whispered reverently. “Grammaa.” The pervading sense of awe on the Bridge quietened her.

They all watched, holding their collective breaths, as the dot grew larger and larger in front of them.

“Shiny ball.” Meli squealed, pointing at the screen and Kathryn, grateful for the comic relief, smiled at her baby girl and took her hand.

It certainly was a sight to behold.

Kathryn felt Chakotay move closer and his hand came to rest on her shoulder. She leant back into his warmth, looked up at him and smiled, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. They’d made it. They’d made it home. Against the odds, they’d done it. Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against his shoulder, the realisation almost too much to comprehend.

Shocked gasps came from several of the crew and Kathryn turned back to the screen.

She uttered a strangled. “Oh, my God.”

There before them, glowing in the sun’s reflected light, was an honour guard of starships, each one facing inward with their landing lights aimed at the centre of the path they’d created; ship after ship, in two lines, as far as the eye could see, all the way back to Earth.

“Slow to quarter impulse.” Kathryn’s voice was a gruff whisper, as she tried to speak past the burning lump in her throat, “and turn on the landing lights.”

Voyager’s hull blazed. The grand old lady, a little weary and battle scarred but proud nonetheless, moved slowly forward into the welcoming embrace of her Federation comrades.

The Enterprise and the Titan were the first vessels in line and as Voyager passed, they dipped their landing lights in homage to the ship, her Captain, and her intrepid crew.

As Voyager made her way down the lighted path, each ship in turn dimmed their lights in Voyager’s honour.

Kathryn could hear quiet sobbing behind her, and she felt her own tears, warm on her cheeks. She’d never imagined anything like this.

It took ten minutes to make their way down the long line of vessels and by the time they reached Earth’s orbit, several hundred ships were following in their wake. It was an impressive and stirring display.

They were given their landing instructions and the skies over San Francisco were cleared of all traffic. Voyager sailed over the bay, resplendent and triumphant in her return.

People had turned out in their thousands to welcome them home and as Voyager’s landing struts touched Earth at last, a roar went up from the crowd and there wasn’t a dry eye on the Bridge.

Silence reigned for several minutes as everyone digested the reality of what had happened and where they were. Then all of a sudden there was pandemonium. Everyone was on their feet, laughing, crying, and hugging each other.

Kathryn could hear the cheers of the crew echoing through the ship.

She’d given her speeches the previous evening, thanking everyone, but she turned to Harry and nodded. He opened a ship-wide channel. “Ready, Captain.”

“This is Captain Janeway. Voyagers, welcome home. We did it.” Harry reversed the comm. feed; the cheers were deafening.

Once Voyager had been secured, immediate family members were beamed aboard for the initial reunions. Starfleet hoped this would reduce the stress and shock. After several hours, the crew and their families were transferred to Starfleet headquarters for the official welcome home ceremonies and festivities.

It had been an extraordinary time, a triumph for all concerned and something that Kathryn would never forget.

* * *

She heaved a deep sigh as she felt his arms steal around her and his lips nuzzle her neck. He whispered against her skin. “You’re remembering, aren’t you?”

She held up the image and, resting his chin on her shoulder, he studied it.

“It seems like yesterday, doesn’t it? Then at other times, it feels like it happened to someone else, in another lifetime.”

Chakotay looked out the window and groaned. “Oh God, what’s she doing? Do you know how long it took me to plant those? I can’t wait until she discovers quantum mechanics so she won’t be mucking around in my dirt.” Kathryn gave him a sideways glance and he winked at her, the memory of New Earth fresh again in their minds. Together they watched as Meli gleefully held up another unearthed bulb and added it to the pile by her side.

Chakotay sighed. “I know what I’ll be doing later.”

Kathryn laughed and turning in his arms, kissed him soundly. “I’ve got some ideas about that, too.”

He grinned, moving closer and then his eyes darted past her shoulder, “Hold that thought,” and he yelled out the window. “Meli don’t do that! Zymos, cut that out! Bad dog.” He took off out the back door to try to salvage what were left of his tulip bulbs.

Kathryn turned back to see Meli throwing them for their dog, Zymos, to fetch. She shook her head and chuckled, returning to the mantle, and setting the image of her family back in its place.

She walked back to the window to watch Meli giggle at her daddy’s attempts to get the Zymos to do as he was told. It was a hopeless cause.

It had been Chakotay’s idea to call him Zymos. It was intended as a tribute to the infamous Ghalor of Belorm who inadvertently had been the catalyst that brought them together. However, Kathryn had the sneaking suspicion that Chakotay had done it just to torment her. Those four paws seemed to be everywhere and they made one hell of a mess.

Kathryn laughed aloud as Chakotay gave up and playfully fell to the ground only to be set upon by all four children. They were climbing all over him, and Zymos was barking and leaping over the pack.

A few moments later, Chakotay sat up and looked towards the house.

The world stopped turning for those few brief seconds as his eyes met hers. All the love, desire, and respect that he felt for her were held in that glance, and Kathryn’s breath caught as her heart swelled. He could still reduce her to a quivering mess with a glance; sending a searing look back in his direction, she brought her fingers to her lips, kissed them, and pressed them against the windowpane.

Chakotay beamed and mouthed, ‘I love you’. She nodded and then watched as he was again toppled to the ground, and buried under children.

Kathryn opened the back door and walked out to join the fray. Meli came running and wrapped her little arms around her legs. “I got Mommy.”

Chakotay grinned and began crawling towards Kathryn, the children sliding off his back as he got closer. Grabbing her leg, he wrestled her to the ground and kissed her. “Oh no you don’t, I’ve got Mommy.”

Kathryn could see the children out of the corner of her eye as they took flying leaps and landed on his back again.

“Oomph!”

Kathryn was at the bottom of the pile. Looking up to the heavens she decided that life couldn’t get much better than this. Laughing along with her giggling children, she held her husband’s face between her hands and kissed him soundly. “I love you.”

His eyes said it all, as they stared at one another. All of a sudden, they grinned and together they launched a counter attack.

As the sun shone, their garden echoed with the joyous sounds of laughter and squeals of delight.


End file.
